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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

No excuse for the screaming and abuse though.

We had planned a sunset boat cruise this afternoon but I'm not interested being on the water when there is risk of tantrums.

Children are not overly compliant atm either which causes more fights between darling and I... they manipulate her to get what they want.

Kind of over it all atm.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Very understandable @Determined

Hoping things will settle down for your and your family very soon , thinking of you

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Yikes @Determined

I wondered if emotions might be running high.

Grief + Christmas = challenging

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Had 18 people here for Christmas lunch (including our family) yesterday and most thankful that we survived the day without any hiccups. Darling managed well with so many people in her space. We all juat sat around the table on the deck ate food and talked. Children mostly amused themselves with their new treasures.

2 of my siblings even managed the day in the same space without any fireworks. Kind of.ignired each other but that is fine as long as the fire and ice is left at the front gate lol. I suspect Bro's girlfriend had him on a short leash. He was.going to pike to save conflict but she persuaded him to do participate for mum.

Off for a birthday lunch today.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

In the midst of a meltdown here atm.

Currently in what is possible only the 'eye of the storm' Kind of lacking strength to endure the abuse at the moment. If it were not for the children it would be easy to give up and remove myself from the situation. Support from a distance.

The children and I take the for better or worse commitment when we got married seriously.

Working hard on my attitude so that I am staying for the right reasons not because I have to.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined, would it be an idea to semi-remove yourself, just briefly? Something like taking yourself and/or the kids for a little walk in the cool of the day before heading back for bed... after checking out damage levels, I guess. 😞

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Children are all in bed @Smc and now.they are in bed I have retreated to our room.

Still potential for another flare up because S3 is sulking that she is refusing to do her usual routine with him. I will have to stay awake in case that happens.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Poor FIL learned some new words and new ways to use them tonight.

Had to enact one of our boundaries tonight.

During the rage darling got her keys to leave. I carmly as I could explained that if she left I would be calling the police..

That really tipped her over the edge but at least she stayed at home. Ijt would not have been at all safe to have her out in the car in the frame of mind she was in. For her or anyone around her.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

She is now refusing to take her meds so coming weeks could prove tricky.

Kind of over it. My bucket is empty and the bottom is all burned out. But I am far from alone in that boat I know. Just venting as No one to talk to about it.

Probably I should check in on FIL but lack the strength or bother even to make excuses for darling. The alternative is to criticize her and talk her down to her farther. That would only upset him more so

🙈🙉🙊🤐

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Yep... I'm finding it difficult myself not to be critical at the moment in our situation. 😞

Does your FIL know about your pre-decided boundaries?

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