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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor22 Jan 2018, 1:25 pm AEDT

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor04 Sept 2019, 3:49 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thanks @Former-Member @Smc

Our day has been better than anticipated.

I took a middle ground approach by saying nothing this morning and asked if darling wanted to go out for lunch when I got home from uni and before the school run.

I think she thought I had forgotten

Anyway we had a nice lunch out.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor04 Sept 2019, 6:38 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Kind of feeling bad that I did not do flowers or anything this year but just emotionally burnt and it would have felt insincere. It was nice to acknowledge our anniversary though and have lunch together to mark the occasion.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember04 Sept 2019, 6:45 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

The traditional gift for 20 years is china @Determined . If you felt you wanted to, perhaps suggest she could pick out something appropriate in due course.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor07 Sept 2019, 9:19 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

FIL took us out to dinner tonight to calibrate our 20 year anniversary. Was a nice night out despite not starting out so well. Certinally not a 'happy anniversary'

Trying hard atm not to put up walls around me. Would be so easy just now to find a corner and hide.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor08 Sept 2019, 7:10 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

*celebrate ☝️

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor13 Sept 2019, 9:51 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

We had an almost crisis this afternoon but crisis averted thanks to the support and understanding shown from people we don't even know which included darling being driven home in her own car with the children. We have been in contact with one of the ladies tonight and darling is planing to catch up them in the upcoming school holidays. Feeling teary at the moment with thankfulness.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember13 Sept 2019, 10:22 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined 🙏😔

Is there a need to take steps in relation to a safety plan? Let pdoc know of developments?

Hate to ask, but how is med situation? At one stage you mentioned that she may have stopped one.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor13 Sept 2019, 10:37 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Former-Member I think it is all good on the med front.

It is easy enough to monitor as I put out daily ration each night and can see when she has not taken it. And she has never tried to hide it when she doesn't take it. I have however been encouraging her to try and get an earlier appointment with her proc as I do have concerns generally but so far she is resisting. May be an opportunity to encourage her some more.

This afternoon was all triggered by a traffic accident. (She rear ended someone in stop start traffic). All very minor and it could have easily have been me under the conditions. Just a reality of her ability to cope when things go wrong 😕

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember13 Sept 2019, 11:02 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Yes accidents happen *sighs at thought of having to pay excess *thankful if no one injured

You would know if best to mention pdoc or not Bro, if she is feeling delicate and often while things are fresh and emotions high it might not be the best time, perhaps observing recovery time and compare with previous @Determined.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor13 Sept 2019, 11:13 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

It has just come up in conversation naturally @Former-Member and she darling has agreed to let me make an earlier appointment for her. Will mean travelling is all as he is only in town once or twice a month but I really don't mind driving her down to his base if necessary. I think today just highlights how she is not coping at the moment.

Today is probably proportional to her reaction when she scratched the car in the garage so it is largely a 'normal' reaction for Darling. The people helping managed the situation so well.

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.