Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Sounding like carers burnout heightened by grief there @Determined ..... sorry I am not up to speed with your thread (too many balls in the air over my way at the mo) so sorry if I have missed this, but is there someone you can sit down with and map out some serious self-care options for you ? Perhaps your pastor ? And perhaps you can have a church / community support chain helping to supply you with meals and home help ?

It sounds like you need to be taking action before things start running off the rails of their own accord .... taking action helps you to control fall-out and create softer landings ..... slowing things down and resting everybody a bit more.

Hiring a carer for our daughter has made a difference here. It’s time in the day when I don’t have to be monitoring her welfare = brain space.

@Determined, you're drained close to empty. You had to keep going regardless, but now you've reached a pause and there's not enough in the starter motor to get everything turning over. You need a rest, and I know that's much easier said than done.

And yeah, can relate to the frustration over dropping courses. We've had to step back from assorted things we wanted to keep doing but didn't have the energy to keep up. It's hard.

@Determined It is hard when we know we need rest but cannot see our way clear as to how this can happen.

My D3 doesn’t have enough in the starter tank and is likely to drop a couple of subjects this week @Determined, and she is feeling physically unwell from the anxiety and suckiness of having to do that, but she is aware that if she doesn’t she is likely to drop out completely before the end of semester, and that would just add to her sense of failure when she needs to build successes.

It is sucky bro, but these are your warning signs to make some changes, and temporary ones might do it for you ..... but we can all hear how you are, and are concerned for you as your friends.

The mods here at Sane are great for helping find services and support. Maybe call the Helpline ? We are so used to working out the needs of those we care for it can be really hard to go into action for ourselves. Psychosomatic symptoms caused me to start reaching out on my own behalf. Please don’t stall until you start to become unwell. Prevention is better than cure.

💜

Thanks everyone for your support this morning @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Smc

So I had my meeting with the student advisor this afternoon and she thinks I need to take a break before I crash and have a complete burnout. I think I was subconsciously hopimg she may have some great strategy that would enable me to keep on goimg with the current plan?

We have worked through some strategies an advisor has offered to be a source of accountability in keepimg to my strategies and goals.

I have not formally withdrawn yet (1 of 2 courses for this this semester). Dont know why I am stalling or why it is so hard, hoping maybe I will wake up tomorrow after a good sleep and everything will be good in my world 😆🤣 yeah right...

Take heart @Determined. It’s only in hindsight that we can see where the road has taken us ......

Do you know it’s three years today that I joined the forums ? I looked it up to write in a post how long I have been here .... three years to the day ! It’s “coincidences” like that which lead me to remember my faith and who is really in charge, if we allow it to be so.

Hugs n hugs for the Uber-ducky moments ..... but doors close and windows open and part of receiving new things (sometimes new paths) is freeing ourselves up to accept them by making changes that seem intensely difficult in the moment.

My former life and plans reside on the other side of this country. It’s not a competition, by any means ..... that’s just my way of saying “I heart-hear you” bro.

❤️

We had a significant confrontation at home tonight, more tantrums and verbal abuse from darling.

Then S2 announces that he has an assignment that was due 2 hours ago that he could not do because blah blah blah..... so there went my prep for tomorrows class (the class I am continuing in) as I needed to help him get it done. On top of having to go back to school because he left half of the required materials in his locker....

Sent an email to the teacher explaining our technology issues at home and got a polite but blunt reply that he had had more than enough time to complete the work in class.... (*8x 1 hr sessons)... so tell me again how it is my fault you could not get your work done. Despite being previously told it was all good and up to date.

And I wonder why I am stressed and tired and not sleeping.

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope appreciate that...

And likewisse, I hear you also, have not had a chance for an in depth read but skim enough when I can to understand things are bumpy for you also. I see more than a few personality similarities in your posts. Add grief into that mess and....

Uh huh ! Oh, that sounds familiar ..... but you can only stretch so far @Determined.

Whwn I am upset and angry I find it helps to DO something to help burn the adrenaline . Even though that S2 drama has put paid to your study prep tonight, can you do everything possible to prepate for tomorrow morning (clothes laid out, lunch prepared, study materials laid out, shower tonight instead of the morning, mug of milk, vanilla, honey and cinnamon, music on, earbuds in, etc) and then try to sleep with a plan of getting up early-ish to do your work before leaving ?

All the prep should help settle the adrenaline, and tonight’s organisation is intended to take all the small stuff out of the morning routine and free it up for study. Could that work for you ?

More hugs incoming.

@Determined .... yep.