Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Plan on leaving home by 6.30 to be at the uni by 7 (takes 1/2 hour if I walk). That will give me an hour for reading before class @Faith-and-Hope ,

Sleep that is a whole different discussion lol. Hoping the 4km of walking (aka dawdling) I did today will help with that. Cant believe how out of shape I have gotten (literally) over the last 12 weeks (+10kg) . If I leave before everyone else gets out of bed there is less chance for confrontation stressing me out before I even start.

So much for that plan lol. Briefly woke up at 5.30 and thought 5 mor mins and did not wake again untill 7.30.

Hi @fraser845 and welcome,

This is a thread where I share about the ups and downs in my family that you may find helpful.

I am tied up with work and uni stuff for most of today but happy to check in and chat later tonight if you are around.
Thanks @Faith-and-Hope for the tag 🙂

Thank you @Determined for you offer. I am around here and happy to chat and hear from you. I would be a great help. Thank you much.

@fraser845 I have family here for dinner tonight but I will be around later on tonight.

Hoping I can get through the evening without any meltdowns, things are a little tense here at the moment.

@Determined I hear you. Take care and enjoy the time with your family. I am hanging around here tonight. Chat soon.

Hi @fraser845 I'm back.

Have you had a chance to read through this thread? Any questions in particular?

@Determined I am reading a lot currently. My problem is specifically to understand, how you cope with it. What to expect as currently I really can not determine between a BPD related behaviour and just someone who is trying to emotionally manipulate me.

I try everything in my past year to make her feel safe and comfort her but everyting comes back as a negative thought. I dont do enough, I dont show her the love she craves her way - I mean I am literally lying with. 39.5 fever in bed and she request sex - I tell her I cant because I am sick and she rolls over and feels sad, thinks I am not loving her. Look, I am lost to be honest and try to understand what are the best rules to have a fullfilled love life and relationship when your partner suffers from BPD, intensly and refused any further councelling with her psychiatrist - apparently because she told her she shoud not have any relationships.

@fraser845

'I really can not determine between a BPD related behavior and just someone who is trying to emotionally manipulate me'

Yep that sounds familiar unfortunately.

How do I cope with it?

Not very well a lot of the time unfortunately 😕

One of the biggest pieces of advice I wish I had followed a lot sooner is to put in place boundaries. I think I explain our boundaries back on page 1 or 2 of this thread. This is something a councillor helped me put in place while my darling was in hospital (mental health unit).

We are still very much a work in progress as at that time we had 18 years of bad habits to break. What Iblearned at the time that what I thought I was doing to help ( making allowances and excuses for bad behaviour in order to take the load off) was actually enabling that bad behaviour.

We have 3 young children (3 - 14) so that gives me extra reason to stick it out. There have been times that unfortunately without the children to consider it would have been easy to give up. It's a bit like that at the moment actually.