Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Have been reading some psalms with S2 which has settled him, he still wont let me leave his side though.

Feel so bad, I got upset with darling before ☹

Trying to console S2, he was quite distraught and she was in a complete panic about the stupid stove, I just couldn't do it all at once. My stress only made things worse.

It sounds like things are really tough for you presently @Determined Ringing your son's school counsellor to help him through what he witnessed and helping him settle back at school may help you.

Sorry to read that your wife is still struggling? This must be so distressing for you at times. Is your family supportive?. I do understand how draining it can be.

My daughter was diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder - also with PTSD and bi-polar. But hers was triggered by sexual assault. She has improved a lot mentally and is independent, but still has her struggles.

What does your wife's treating medical team say about her condition now? Did she ever go to a specialist to test for hormonal imbalance?

I get very tired but I am determined not to let it stop me doing things. I was happy to read that you went back to University - so important. It's good there is someone who can keep your wife company as this will also give you peace of mind when you are away.

I hope things settle down for you soon and you find some reprieve from the stress. Thinking of you

@Former-Member hoping to be able to visit chappy with him tomorrow and arrange a meeting with his teacher.

Darling was referred to a specialist but refused to go because it was ~3hours away and cost hundreds of $ ...

Has a friend working through some naturopathic and genetic testing that helped her so hoping to see some benifit there. Still not cheap but worth trying. Has made a positive difference in the friends life.

After our upset with S2 last night and him refusing to go to school this morning (he stayed at home with me) he is doing much better tonight. I think mostly he is relieved that we have spoken with his teacher and there is a plan in place to manage his concerns.

Darling and I had a very productive and comforting discussion with his teacher this afternoon, we are very happy with how the school is dealing with our problem. Hoping he will actually go to school tomorrow so the teacher can start to work with him.

I am looking forward to some sleep tonight, didn't get a lot last night.

Still quite concerned about my darling, happy that she will be with someone tomorrow while I am at uni.
Visit with the pdoc this afternoon was a bit of a loss other than getting a new script.
He seems that he is at a loss of what to do. just a case of riding the storm at the moment.

Just wanted to quickly update before falling asleep that things are a little more steady in the determined house tonight.

S2 had an ok day at school today, we are very pleased whith how the teacher and school has handled his trauma from early in the week, also pleased that the other students involved are being guided and supported rather than punished outright, they were able recognisse the impact they had to apologise for their behaviour in a way that was meaningful to him. I honestly dont think they intended him any harm, it just a prank gone horribly wrong and S2 was just in the wrong place at the wrong time 😞.

Still quite concerned for my darling but she does seem a little less down.

Will be hapy once this stove installatio is complete as that is generating a high level of anxiety at the moment. Things are going to get interesting if I have not done my homework right and it doesn't actualy fit 😟

Having trouble sleeping again tonight... so much on my mind.

I don't want this to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself or anything like that just hoping that acknowledging and writing down some thoughts and emotions may help me to put them aside and get some rest.

I have to confess that I have not dealt with or accepted my darlings most recent attempt nearly as well as I thought I had. Emotions are still quite raw and close to the surface despite being able to discuss it objectively with my GP recently.

I was discussing generally with my mum this afternoon about how we are all managing, particually S2 and how things have progressed (or not) since that day. The emotions of sadness and fear from that day overcame me to the point of tears. I have not told mum in any detail what had happened she has had to kind of join some dots. Even tonight I was quite vauge because I just could not talk about it. Thankfully we were outside by her car and it was dark so hoping she didnt see the tears, dont want her thinking she had caused that.

Mum also had some reasonable questions re some of my darlings hospital admissions last year that rattled me a lot 😞 still unhappy and ocasionally resentful about certain aspects of treatment.

Talking about emotions around my darlings recent attempt and risk of future attempt/ success here so please be aware as I dont want to upset anyone 😔

Again this is not intended as a pity party, just trying to put things down and hopfully get some much needed rest.

Some time last week I thought I had come to terms with and reached some sort of acceptance with the reality that there is risk that my darlings illness may become terminal. Hard to express that emotion but at the time it was quite freeing. (Is that even a word?)

Well that was until I got a text message with content not uncommon about not being able to see any way forward in life. Well clearly I had not accepted it like I thought I had because the familiar emotions of fear, anxiety, hurt, rejection, anger, resentment etc ... .. .. were very raw. While I hold onto hope of a brighter future it is hard to see past these emotions at times. Especially when things seem to be getting worse rather than better and the doc seems to have no answers.

Also hurting that our children, S2 particually, live with the fear that one day they might loose their mum. Hurt, angry, resentful.... guilty that I have been unable to shield them and protect them from this.

Also upsets me that my darling has been unable to bond with bub like a mum should. She loves him dearly just does not have a close bond or connection. Partly I think because she has been so unwell and has spent so much time away and also I believe partly as the result of some of her treatment.

Thanks @Former-Member