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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor22 Jan 2018, 1:25 pm AEDT

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor19 Feb 2018, 5:54 pm AEDT

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Hi @Former-Member, @Bubbles3

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor19 Feb 2018, 10:11 pm AEDT

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Edit

I take that last post all back...

Aparently I am an asshole and it will be my fault when we are all at her funeral.

Not sure how much longer I can do this.....

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor23 Feb 2018, 5:52 pm AEDT

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I had a gp appointment this afternoon for a med review and new script but also to talk about our last 2 - 3 weeks. Sort of a debrief for me as I am anxious about heading back to uni next week,

GP thinks I should send my darling to hospital for a week for some respite for myself. I'm not sure I am ready or have the strength to do that, as even suggesting it would cause a melt-down in its self.

I do however need to have a discussion about boundaries again, melt downs like we had earlier this week are getting too much for the children, particularly after the attempt recently. Feeling bad for feeling resentful but kind of over all the abuse at the moment. And for having to explain things to schools without her knowing.

Just thinking out loud here as I am feeling more an a little anxious and lost. Worried about my ability to continue to hold things together particularly in crisis.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember24 Feb 2018, 9:31 pm AEDT

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined ...

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor25 Feb 2018, 12:12 pm AEDT

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Had a discussion with my darling this morning (prompted by my darling) where she admitted she was a little scared about me going back to uni tomorrow.

Kind of makes me more worried about how she will go... just need to keep reinforcing the backups we have in place and who to call when in a panic as well as not being resentful if and when I arrange for someone to keep her company while I am out.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember25 Feb 2018, 6:04 pm AEDT

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Hey Bro
Will be thinking of you and your darling especially tomorrow as well as the rest of the @Determined clan.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember26 Feb 2018, 7:27 pm AEDT

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

How did you go today @Determined

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor26 Feb 2018, 9:43 pm AEDT

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Morning went better than expected @Former-Member, came home from uni to find she had just finished mowing the house yard and feeling quite pleased with herself.

Things have gone down hill fast since then. I fear I am sinking.

Darling is having overwhelming thoughts of self harm and ending things. She is having panic attacks about new stove being installed on Thursday and quite irrational at the moment.

S2 witnessed something at school today that has left him traumatised. He is terrified and doesn't want me to leave his side. At this time refusing to go back to school.

So I can't leave S2 alone, don't want to leave Darling alone, bub wont go to sleep and wong stop crying...

Sorry to unload like that... just feeling all tied up in knots at the moment.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember26 Feb 2018, 10:06 pm AEDT

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

That is a lot to deal with @Determined, is there anyone you can call that can pace the floor with the little fellow until he settles?

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor26 Feb 2018, 10:14 pm AEDT

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Former-Member I would usually call mum in law but she is quite unwell at the moment and it would be a lot for her at the moment. I gave bub some more milk and he seems to have settled at the moment. Just hope he stays that way.

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