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Losing my mind

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2018, 11:19 pm AEDT

Losing my mind

Hi. I am new to this. I have no idea even where to start. Mentally and emotionally everywhere currently. I have ptsd, an eating disorder & depression. I have a four year old daughter that i care for full time. I am struggling lately to cope with daily pressures, motherhood and financial stress as well as the damage from a past relationship. My anxiety is through the roof most days and my emotions are absolutely everywhere!!!
I feel alot of anger, betrayal, shame, guilt and genuinely just feel deflated. Everyday has been hell. I honestly don't know much strength i have within me. I feel like i am falling apart, my life is falling apart. I can't seem to get my shit together and i feel like i am going backwards. I am so angry at the world. I don't talk to literally anyone anymore and i know i am isolating myself even more than prior. Talking does not help most times i open up. If i talk i either explode and then want to shut down or say to much and muck it all up 😞 Living with ptsd is hell and i wouldn't wish it on anyone

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In response to: Losing my mind

Unknown userMember14 Jan 2018, 2:34 pm AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

I am not having a good day. Thank you for sharing your stories.

In response to: Losing my mind

Unknown userMember14 Jan 2018, 3:16 pm AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

@enigma I am sorry you all went through it.
I am finding it so hard to express my thoughts and emotions in a healthy way. Many times i have lashed out at my family. In the beginning my sisters didn't understand and i still think they don't. I lost everything and everyone from it. I can't really explain what is going on with me but i do feel a bit safer here. I just wish the pain would stop.
I can't find myself and have no idea who i am anymore....

I have so many emotions and many many thoughts but not enough words to describe everything.

Most days i just want to hide because it is where i feel safe. Some days i have random empowered moments where i think i won't let him defeat me but then i quickly remember something or feel something and go down into the shit in my head again.

I hate myself for not leaving him sooner before becoming more damaged. I hate myself that i let someone treat me that way.

I feel like a little girl starting all over again.
I am 28. I hate how i allowed him to come home drunk all the time and push me around. I hate how i was so loving and always meeting his needs whilst mine were always forgotten.

I am shattered. I feel lost lonely angry hurt withdrawn cranky stressed confused & exhausted.

I see at physcologist but at the beginning when i started it was a nightmare. I haven't seen her in over a month.

I have a financial counciller but i just feel i am getting behind again and i can't concentrate.

Bills & debt are stressing me out.

My daughter i love with my life more than anything in this world & i just feel like i have let her down from the unhealthy choices i have choosen to escape.

I have no idea who i am 😭😓😓

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