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Losing my mind

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2018, 11:19 pm AEDT

Losing my mind

Hi. I am new to this. I have no idea even where to start. Mentally and emotionally everywhere currently. I have ptsd, an eating disorder & depression. I have a four year old daughter that i care for full time. I am struggling lately to cope with daily pressures, motherhood and financial stress as well as the damage from a past relationship. My anxiety is through the roof most days and my emotions are absolutely everywhere!!!
I feel alot of anger, betrayal, shame, guilt and genuinely just feel deflated. Everyday has been hell. I honestly don't know much strength i have within me. I feel like i am falling apart, my life is falling apart. I can't seem to get my shit together and i feel like i am going backwards. I am so angry at the world. I don't talk to literally anyone anymore and i know i am isolating myself even more than prior. Talking does not help most times i open up. If i talk i either explode and then want to shut down or say to much and muck it all up 😞 Living with ptsd is hell and i wouldn't wish it on anyone

22 replies

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In response to: Losing my mind

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2018, 11:23 pm AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

I hate myself more and more everyday

In response to: Re: Losing my mind

MuzzieSenior Contributor13 Jan 2018, 11:36 pm AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

Hi @Former-Member I hope you are ok. It sounds like things are difficult. Its great that you have found the fourms. There are people here who can support you.

In response to: Losing my mind

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2018, 11:45 pm AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

Thank you. I am very anxious at the moment.
I can't stop crying.

In response to: Losing my mind

utopiaSenior Contributor13 Jan 2018, 11:48 pm AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

@Former-Member. I hear you. Ptsd and depression and anxiety are an awful mix. I have had all 3 diagnosis.
I am a mum of a teenager. It is hard to parent and have depression and try not to feel guilty for what you can't do.

In response to: Losing my mind

Unknown userMember14 Jan 2018, 12:01 am AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

I'm sorry you are suffering as well.
I am feeling guilty and like a bad mother.
I am stressed out to the max and not sleeping that well.

In response to: Losing my mind

Unknown userMember14 Jan 2018, 12:10 am AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

Hi @Former-Member

It's nice to meet you. It sounds like you are going through a really rough time and I am glad you are reaching out here expressing how you feel. It's feels better just to let that out sometimes.

You are under "enormous stress" so I am not surprised your emotions are all over the place. It does sound like you have not had the chance to really deal with the damage from your past relationship - if it was abusive and he betrayed you there would be a lot of anger there lying inside you. And that anger can change our whole perspective of life and the world having very little trust.

And all the stress life can throw at us compounds things making us feel we are falling apart as we become overwhelmed.

My daughter was in an abusive relationship where she endured mental, emotional and physical/sexual abuse and she was feeling like you. She became quite depressed and self destructive. If we ask her to talk about it she would just yell at us. It was hell for her and us. She started to self medicate and was a train wreck. She trusted no one.

Fast forward she has improved stop mostly doing the latter and is slowly making progress, but it did take time and her working on her anger issues and past abuses. She also takes a medication that helped. She still has her moments but not as bad.

She is in a lot of debt and felt the struggle financially but is taking on more work to cut that down so she can get on top of things.

Have you seen anyone that specialises in PTSD and trauma?

I hope you find Sane a place where you can talk with others for support. Others will jump on soon. Hope to see you around the forums 😊

In response to: Losing my mind

Unknown userMember14 Jan 2018, 12:25 am AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

I am crying. Your daughter sounds a lot like me. I was in a very abusive relationship. It changed me and scarred me for life. I don't look at the world the same anymore. I crave connection but at the same time i can't connect with anyone anymore nor trust anyone. I am very angry. I have hurt many people after from the ordeal and it has made me hate myself. I have lashed out at everyone amd anyone that has genuinely tried to help i have pushed away or gotten defensive. I don't have any self confidence anymore and i constantly feel worthless. I have also been selfharming and self descructive. Most days i just want to scream. I feel like my ex partner everyday and it just makes me cry. It is so hard acting happy when i am not ok anymore. My housing situation since leaving him has been very stressful. I can't concentrate most days.
His voice is always in my mind and i hate it. It is hard to talk about with others as i feel like i am being judged and i feel like it is my fault.
I feel like everything is my fault. I can't look at myself without feeling repulsed by what i see.
Everytime i eat i just feel worse about myself. I have tried medication but i was so tired i stopped taking it and i was scared because already i am struggling to get up sometimes of a morning after having a bad night.
I am very confused about everything i am feeling

In response to: Losing my mind

Unknown userMember14 Jan 2018, 12:27 am AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

He wanted to destroy me and i feel like he has won. I remember everything he said to me. If i can't have you noone can and that has pretty much happened. I am in alot of debt as well and it gets me down. I still feel like there is no way out.

In response to: Losing my mind

Unknown userMember14 Jan 2018, 12:47 am AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

-Enigma-

In response to: Re: Losing my mind

gypsyleeSenior Contributor14 Jan 2018, 1:14 am AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

“He wanted to destroy me and i feel like he has won.”

Oh God. @Former-Member I haven’t told my story here (or many places) but I well and truly know that feeling. My daughter is 16 now (I left when she was 18 months) and there’s a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

Cry as much as you need to and don’t feel ashamed. I’ve laid on my bed and literally howled with sadness.. I’ve collapsed on my kitchen floor.. I’ve contemplated ending it many times but then he really has won. My heart goes out to you.

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