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Losing my mind

Unknown userMember13 Jan 2018, 11:19 pm AEDT

Losing my mind

Hi. I am new to this. I have no idea even where to start. Mentally and emotionally everywhere currently. I have ptsd, an eating disorder & depression. I have a four year old daughter that i care for full time. I am struggling lately to cope with daily pressures, motherhood and financial stress as well as the damage from a past relationship. My anxiety is through the roof most days and my emotions are absolutely everywhere!!!
I feel alot of anger, betrayal, shame, guilt and genuinely just feel deflated. Everyday has been hell. I honestly don't know much strength i have within me. I feel like i am falling apart, my life is falling apart. I can't seem to get my shit together and i feel like i am going backwards. I am so angry at the world. I don't talk to literally anyone anymore and i know i am isolating myself even more than prior. Talking does not help most times i open up. If i talk i either explode and then want to shut down or say to much and muck it all up 😞 Living with ptsd is hell and i wouldn't wish it on anyone

22 replies

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In response to: Losing my mind

Unknown userMember14 Jan 2018, 2:12 am AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

@gypsylee I have sobbed my heart out and have hurt for the last three years. I feel weak and i feel like i should be over it but it is in my head every day. I keep remembering who i was before it happened & hating myself for who i am now. I haven't had any day where i feel relaxed

In response to: Losing my mind

Unknown userMember14 Jan 2018, 2:14 am AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

Thank you i am a massive mess and i am sorry 😓

In response to: Losing my mind

TchefSenior Contributor14 Jan 2018, 3:56 am AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

Hi @Former-Member
Welcome, I've only been on this site for a few days. I found people on site to be awesome and supportive I'm sure you'll find the same. Keep hanging in there mate and you are not alone.

In response to: Losing my mind

Unknown userMember14 Jan 2018, 4:38 am AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

@Tchef Thank you

In response to: Losing my mind

Unknown userMember14 Jan 2018, 4:53 am AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

Hi @Former-Member

I suffer from PTSD, depression and anxiety and can really relate to your posts in so many ways. I have two young children and just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I am writing this at this hour becasue I havent slept due to all my flashbacks. Keep reaching out on here. You will find a lot of support and encouragment along the way from people who will support you as much as you need.

Once again, you are not alone in this. Take care and you are welcome to tag me anytime

In response to: Losing my mind

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor14 Jan 2018, 8:17 am AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

Hi @Former-Member,

Welcome to Forum Land. I'm just going to tag @Former-Member here so that she can see that you responded to her post above (she might miss it if she only gets notifications when tagged in a post).

Your description of your situation sounds like something that @CheerBear and @Former-Member can probably relate to super well.

It looks like you are getting some good support here from @Tchef @gypsylee @Former-Member and @Former-Member. I super hope that it helps a tinsy tiny bit to know that you are not alone.

In response to: Losing my mind

CheerBearSenior Contributor14 Jan 2018, 8:40 am AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

Hi @Former-Member. I've just read through this thread and feel like I could have written so many of your words myself (I probably have written many of them at times). I have little people and am living with the impact of an abusive relationship which has resulted in similar diagnoses.

Sometimes I feel angry, hurt, scared, sad, broken etc. I swing between feeling like I will explode or implode (shut down) quite a lot. Trust is hard for me also. I have said "I should be over this" lots.

When I am in the middle of the biggest strongest feelings of it all, I find it hard to be gentle with myself and go a little easier on myself (a week ago this is the space I was in - it goes up and down and round and round for me often!). When I am not feeling so swamped with it all I can see that it's ok to not be over it though. "It" causes huge destruction in lots of ways, as each of us who has experienced it has probably experienced. It's ok to feel pretty rubbish after bad things have happened to us, though life would be a lot easier if we didn't feel that way I think.

As others have said, knowing I am not alone helps me too. You're very much not alone here.

In response to: Re: Losing my mind

Unknown userMember14 Jan 2018, 11:55 am AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

Thanks @Phoenix_Rising for the tag - you were right, I didn't see the reply.

Hi @Former-Member

What happened to you and how you are feeling is very much the same as what my daughter went through - and can still at times but not as intense. There is light at the end of the tunnel. My daughter did SH and attempt intially. It was soul destroying as a parent to watch. But after awhile my daughter came to the resolve to refuse to allow the abuse to destroy her and to stop her from moving on with her life. Otherwise they win and that would give them pleasure. She wasn't going to allow that. Think of it that way and place your anger on the injustice done to you and turn it into helping yourself to succeed and make a happier life for yourself. All with baby steps, one day at a time.

This took a few years for my daughter but she taking baby steps to rebuilding herself, her career and her relationships. There are bumps but she is moving forward in baby steps.

Dont hate yourself - your symptoms of anger and hurting/pushing others away are initial symptoms of trauma. If you can even talk to someone about this (not the actual trauma until you feel ready), it could help you to deal with this mental anguish and anger better. Anger internalised does cause depression. My daughter had problems of trust there - I suggested to her if she became uncomfortable with any psychologist etc she doesn't have to go back, and can seek out someone whom she is comfortable with that will earn her trust. The latter definitely has to be earned and never just given.

My daughter sought advice and help to sort her financial debt out (finally) and she is trying to pay this off quickly so it no longer keeps her back. It may take a little time but she can see an end to it. She lives week to week basically because of it at the moment. You can seek free legal advice at your local community or neighbour centre that may give you options to pay of your debts in a way that allows you to meet your other financial obligations and keep you afloat, or other such people whom can help in that area - with that sorted, this may give you some reprieve to work on your past and how it's robbing you of you and to reclaim ack that unique, special person who is worthy of some happiness and a new start back. To reclaim back your life in the now and for a better future. The latter is the goal. It can happen.

I am glad you have found wonderful support here with others who have been through it and we will stand by you for as long as you need xx

In response to: Re: Losing my mind

SleepyPandaSenior Contributor14 Jan 2018, 12:04 pm AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

Hi @Former-Member @Former-Member @Phoenix_Rising

I really liked your post, thank you for sharing your experience.

I thought I mention this service - National Debt Helpline - 1800 007 007 - they offer free finanical counselling.

In response to: Re: Losing my mind

Unknown userMember14 Jan 2018, 12:15 pm AEDT

Re: Losing my mind

Hi @Former-Member
I'm so sorry to read what you've been through, it is so similar in many ways to what i ahve been through. I also have so much trouble with trust and relationships that go beyond the more superficial stuff. I get terrified. The memories and things from the past are always just under the surface in head and constantly bounce up into my thoughts. I wish it were easier to get through. Sometimes i can keep my self busy enough to drown it out a bit through work/study and my kids. but i think those coping strategies end up with exhausting me too... its very hard. I also tell myself that i should be better.. by now.. and for me its been 4 years since i left my ex. I really hope it helps to hear that you're definitely not alone here.
I also ended up with a lot of debt after leaving my ex and when ibecame too ill to work for a year i got into even more trouble financially. Life Line have a service here for helping with financial stuff and the lady who i was able to work with was amazing, she was able to phone or contact the places I was having difficult with and negotiate payment plans or financial hardship options. I'm still not out of some of the debts but can see a time where financially at least i might be ok. I havent heard of the national debt helpline @SleepyPanda - thanks 🙂

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