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soul’s year of recovery

soulSenior Contributor07 Jan 2018, 10:45 pm AEDT

soul’s year of recovery

Hi - many of you on the forums know me. Thought it might be time to start a new thread.

2017 was an especially awful year for me. I escaped an extremely violent and abusive relationship fleeing the country where I was living and returning to Australia. My mother passed away and I was ostracised from my family. And lastly, just when I thought I was getting my act together and was on holiday, I sustained an injury from an accident which has left me somewhat incapacitated.

I have found a lot of support here and will continue to lean on those who I have come to know as friends. So come along with me as I try to make this year an improvement on last @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Former-Member @utopia @Bunniekins @Former-Member @Determined @outlander @CheerBear @Maggie @TAB @Sans911 @Former-Member @Former-Member @frog @Former-Member @Bimby2 @Appleblossom and anyone else who has followed my story.

When the clock struck 12 on New Year’s Eve, I made a few resolutions and goals in various areas of my life for the coming year. One thing I wanted to do was to regain was my physical fitness. I had been feeling so strong and well before my accident. I had been walking/jogging for at least 10kms each day and going to yoga sessions seven times a week. After my shattered shoulder and nerve damage through my arm, Yoga is out and I was fortunately able to put my membership on hold. I started walking again this past week and can manage 2kms. My arm is still in a sling and feels as heavy as lead and I can’t manage walking the dog yet. I am trying to be as independent as I can be and have seen progress. At least I can shower myself now. I miss being able to do the things I used to - like driving and even hanging out the washing.

Today was my Mum’s birthday so that was really hard. The kids and I went to the park where her ashes were scattered - the rose bush sporting a single feeble looking bloom. Afterwards, we had lunch together so that was nice.

I’ve had a break from medical stuff over the Christmas New Year period but the appointments start back tomorrow with an EMG where they will put electrodes on me and give me electric shocks to assess the nerve damage. Not really my idea of fun.

Anyway - onwards and upwards. That’s the plan in any case.

305 replies

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In response to: soul’s year of recovery

soulSenior Contributor15 May 2018, 11:37 pm AEST

Re: soul’s year of recovery

@eth - I think you wanted me to tag you to my thread.

In response to: soul’s year of recovery

MDTSenior Contributor15 May 2018, 11:40 pm AEST

Re: soul’s year of recovery

Hey @soul I really liked what you had to say. Sounds like you've made progress in many areas. I'm very happy for you 🤗

Hope it keeps going

In response to: soul’s year of recovery

Unknown userMember15 May 2018, 11:56 pm AEST

Re: soul’s year of recovery

I knew it @soul !!! You stopout you! I wish you all the best, and hope tbird time lucky too. Not much advice from me (fail zone) but i do hope you share the same values. WTG!

We both shared that first MD without mums. Some missed nire than others (thinking of you too @Faith-and-Hope) so just doing something nice in memory & taking it easy is key. And it doesnt just last 24hrs. So, you're not alone ❤

And your shoulder, wow! Excellent amazing progress! Well Done! 👊🎉

In response to: Re: soul’s year of recovery

ethSenior Contributor16 May 2018, 2:55 am AEST

Re: soul’s year of recovery

It's really nice to hear your positive news @soul and I hope that things continue in a positive way with your new friend.

In response to: Re: soul’s year of recovery

soulSenior Contributor16 May 2018, 6:31 am AEST

Re: soul’s year of recovery

Yeah @Former-Member - those firsts are really hard. First Mothers Day, her first birthday that she wasn’t there and so on. I really wish she had been around to see me happy. I was thinking of you and how you would have been feeling. Needed to have a little break from the forums. Didn’t want to read about happy or sad Mother’s Days, just needed to get through my own.

Mum used to ask if I was happy and I used to fake it so as not to upset her. But now I really am and I think how it would have given her joy. Out of all the kids, I was the one who seemed to have such a run of bad luck. Hopefully that’s changing now.

My new “friend” had a long weekend and went interstate to see his Mum. He sent me a pic of the two of them which made my eyes leak a fair bit. He was so sweet and apologised a couple of times. I told him that it was okay, that he didn’t do anything wrong. Just was one of those happy/sad moments.

It has taken me a while to build up my self confidence and be ready for a relationship. I feel now is the right time and fate has been good to me - at last!

Are you still living with your Dad? How are things going for you?

In response to: Re: soul’s year of recovery

Sophia1Senior Contributor16 May 2018, 10:15 am AEST

Re: soul’s year of recovery

@soul

Understand you stepping back to allow yourself to deal with your own feelings...will help with your grieving..

You have reached the six month recovery mark and have a rating of 90% ..what a feeling!..I imagine those six months seem so much longer...I am up to seven weeks and still feel in la la land....

So very happy for you in meeting someone with whom you connect well...your response emanates your uplifting feeling...lovely to read...

the turtle and the hare xxx

In response to: soul’s year of recovery

Sophia1Senior Contributor16 May 2018, 10:38 am AEST

Re: soul’s year of recovery

hello @soul

I wanted to respond to your uncertainty in a separate post..

I have survived the world of DV twice..long term....still rings hollow in my head...still disbelief...

This is an ongoing subject as arises... with my psychiatrist...to avoid overwhelming myself..

second husband now knows ...over a period of time...only wanted to know a certain amount as was horrified and angry that he could not fix it for me...he said too... did not need to feel that I had to talk about everything...

Your friend might just be feeling that you are sensitive about being hurt again...as in emotions re a past relationship ending...he might feel the same way...say as much as you feel safe in doing so...

once said cannot be retrieved...he might not understand...you then might be mistaking everything that he says as dismissing how you feel...or even judging....or wondering what he is thinking...

all about how comfortable you are around the subject...some women can talk about it to help others..

far too painful for me to do that...I can help others in different ways...

slowly slowly soul.....trust your intuition ....listen to your own inner voice...

you have this xxx

In response to: soul’s year of recovery

DeterminedSenior Contributor16 May 2018, 5:37 pm AEST

Re: soul’s year of recovery

@soul
So happy to hear that things are going better for you.

In response to: soul’s year of recovery

Unknown userMember16 May 2018, 10:18 pm AEST

Re: soul’s year of recovery

Yes @soul, i'm still with dad, almost 5months now, its hard, Mothers Day surfaced a lot ofstress & dad'sbirthday theweek before(trying to get the sibs offtheir ass and do something. 1/2 of us bothered. The other three really disappoint me. Don't handle their rejection well but quickly learning to live without them, as they wish. It gets lonely. But on the whole things have settled (thank you God). I'm tired, and bones hurt ablot, but fit well with the caring role (my life calling) so that helps. I dont think i have long to live & expect this is my last job on earth before returning ro heaven. So i can say knowing that sure changes ones perspective.

Made a couple of new friends here.

Again, i'm so pleased things are panning out for you Soul ❤❤❤

In response to: Re: soul’s year of recovery

soulSenior Contributor17 May 2018, 9:23 am AEST

Re: soul’s year of recovery

Thanks for your reply @Sophia1. I had told my current "friend" that my previous relationship was an unhealthy one and have on a couple of occasions alluded that I feel comfortable and safe with him. I guess he has put two and two together. We were chatting on the phone the other night and he had opened up about his disillusionment with his job and that he was at a crossroads about what to do. I really appreciated that he felt like he could talk about this with me.

He then broached the subject of my happiness and why I had been without a partner for so long. I told him that I would open up with time and this was something I would have to discuss face to face. He understood. I think he is a very sensitive guy and hope that what happened to me doesn't shock him. I guess I will have to be careful and not go into too many details. I trust that he will respect that decision but of course, he will probably wonder. I don't want him to see me as a weak or weird person because although I look back and wonder how and why I put up with it, I know that I have come a long way since then. My self confidence was completely shattered. I was a mess. I felt I was partly to blame. I thought I could fix things.

I had become the sort of woman that people read about in the news and on many occasions, I felt that the situation was going to end in tragedy and have terrible repercussions for my children. That thought was the only thing that kept me alive at times.

I never fully disclosed all that with my psychologist either. Not sure it's really helpful. I was too ashamed to talk about it in a group and only one friend knows part of my story. I found strategies to calm myself and move on so I think this has served me well. In saying that, I did have an anxiety attack the other night. Woke up feeling that all this joy I am feeling could disappear. It's been so long since I've been truly happy and yes - I hope it lasts.

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