rough time

Everything @Snowie has said is very true my sister @outlander, it does feel overwhelming at times and most of us have been there or going through it now

You can do this sis xx and we are with you

Even my mum today must of been over thinking because she said all the things I have been through since I was born , what else is going to happen , I thought wow , and then gave mum a big hug like I want to give you one

Oh @outlander

How I would love to come and give you a hug right now. I won't invalidate your feelings though by saying everything will be OK. But you deserve as much support as anyone else. Your pain is your pain. Other people have their pain. How we handle that with supports or not is very individual. You have very minimal support, and those people who are supposed to be supportive of you are instead negative, invalidating and unhelpful. Remember though, that they come from different backgrounds, generations, social structures and more. That doesn't make it better or right, but those factors are influencing their treatment towards you. You are stuck in a terribly negative environment that is sucking the life out of you. Which on top of an MI is really horrible.

Unfortunately helplines often read to a well padded script, and individualised responses are rare from them, which is what you need. You need to be validated, you need to be heard, you need someone who can sit comfortably with you in that space of uncomfortableness. Who can let you spill it all out without feeling like that a response is necessary. Geez, I wonder sometimes why they think you call for if you had used your coping strategies. They are supposed to be there for you, so try not to feel guilty. You have as much importance and need as others.

People leaving here is really hard. I so get that lil Sis. I really do. I get big heart achey feelings for some people. Maybe you feel like you don't deserve to be here, but people want you here, they like your company and friendship, and you're so good at engaging with others and making them feel heard.

I have to go for a bit, but I'll be back to finish this

A quiet day sounds good @outlander with some crocheting thrown into it.

I think we are going to see Night School if the kids are still keen.

You do have them a lot next week @outlander as well as getting your tooth out. Even better to lap up the break.

@outlander

I feel so much guilt hun. I see what others are doing (esp when they post it on facebook) and always think how much I am letting them down. We dont seem to have done anything these holidays and have put of movies till the end.

Part 2 response @outlander

I know you have a problem articulating your feelings at times lil Sis, and you feel you perhaps shouldn't be here, but it doesn't matter. Don't pressure y. Ourself, ask for someone to sit with you. It's quite ok to do that. I think we all have times we are lost for words. Even me as well. I think sometimes we all place such big expectations on ourselves that we can then use as a stick to beat ourselves with when we don't get there. We really need to be so much kinder to ourselves. I'm sure none of us would treat our friends the way we treat ourselves. And I don't know why we place these high expectations either.

Financial stress is heavy stuff. Can you seek any help from a financial counsellor? They are free and are attached usually to a community centre or charity organisation like Vinnies or Salvos. They can help you to negotiate bills on your behalf, may be to help with money off some bills, food vouchers, etc. I'm so glad I saw one, who gently and kindly also helped me to get some money for my electricity bill, and a Coles food voucher. It was hard because I didn't feel I really deserved it, but I've really struggled at times to feed myself, so why shouldn't I? Sometimes we have to put shame & guilt aside to accept that help that we need as much as others. If you don't have a Centrelink health care card, get one. You can go into Centrelink and be approved with a temporary card given to you at that time. This will help with your medication costs. You needs those meds.

You've got so much going on right now your focus should just be on survival. Improving yourself can come later. If people are ashamed of you, that speaks more about their problems than who you are. There will come a time when you can remove yourself from the promixity of the closeness of those people who don't understand you. Then you will discover other people will enjoy your company, like you for you unique characters and individuality and admire you for your courage, strengths and resilience.