rough time

Love and hugs sister @outlander

Things are harder and they just seem to be building up. I contacted a helpline yesterday because i wasnt managing well and i was told to ride it out and just use my coping skills. If they were helping then i dont think i wouldve wasted their time. It feels like its getting harder and harder to ask for help and when i do i get extreme guilt. So many have it worse than me, so much worse and some of those dont have supports so then it brings out the feelings of selfishness and i just end up shutting down.

My supports have basically gone now. My online counsellor has signed off on me, no pdoc now because im not changing any more meds and it was a confirmed 4 sessions left with a face to face counsellor so between now march next yr i need to try and utilise those.

People are leaving here and its not sitting well with me. I know theyve left because its best for them but it isnt making it any easier 😞 im finding it hard to connect with anyone online or offline and even though i know i have my amazing friends here i feel i dont deserve them either. Most the time the past few days ive got no idea what to say to anyone even if i want to support them or just talk about anything i just draw up blank and then it makes me more emotional.

The current financial stress is embarrassing. I barely have $5 to my name lately after bills etc are paid. I cant afford to get my medications that seem to be adding up and i just cant bring myself to ask anymore.

All the way out to the mechanic today pop was on my case about anything and everything. It really made me feel awful. I couldnt do anything right. I am just the big dissapointment not only to him but to everyone else. People really deserve so much better than what i can give. I dont know how i can improve myself to be the person that people arent ashamed to know.

The injuries ive aquired arent helping at all along with the looming extraction stressing me out. I cant sit for to long otherwise i get to much pain and become stiff , cant exercise much, really cant do much. A headache that just doesnt go away isnt helping either. I know part of itis stress but the other is the tooth infection and its inflamed all the sinus area so my entire head pretty much.

I dont want to be the person with the problems anymore why cant i just be a normal person.

Woah @outlander, I hope in writing all that down that it is a bit of a release for you hun.

There is a lot going on for you at the same time, and it must be hard to try to deal with everything all at once. Am here for you my sis

@outlanderthere is no place I would rather be than here with you It does seem to always pour and you are taking on so much at the moment and trying to deal with it all alone in the best possible way you can. Baby steps hun....

@outlanderyou are right hun, even baby steps are hard. But the main thing is that you are still moving forward even though at times it feels like we have come to a standstill or are going backwards.

Have you any plans for tomorrow?