rough time

Please jump back in when you have dinner @Sans911 because @outlander needs you too Hon

@outlander. I have often got caught up in the mood and feels too big stuff. It’s a big part of BPD. It’s often why there is a stigma about us being drama queens. I live up to that fully. Chaos runs supreme and feelings trump everything. I don’t have the answers for you but I think that I got to understand this part better by working out what the feeling was that was casing my big reactions. I think it’s why @Sans911 mentioned writing down the feelings so you understand your behaviour patterns that go with the feelings. I had to be taught about feelings too. It took a long time for me.

I think I have accepted that I will always have big feelings that are often disproportionate to the event. I don’t like it but it happens over and over again pretty much every day. What I’m telling you has taken me 4 years to work out and accept so I know you have a way to go. Only you can go through this path to work out what helps you get through.

Today I have ridden through lots of big out of the blue emotions. They were swirling round in my head. The need I had was validation but there were so many feelings swirling around that I got caught up with. Some days I can work this out and some days I still need help to identify what is going on. Today I had help to understand what the need was, once I did and that need was meet it’s been much easier again. Go easy on you. You have a long road ahead but I know there is lots of good to come. This takes lots of time and growing to understand you.

@outlander

While I'm having dinner can you add to that list why you might be feeling a certain emotion?

For example I'm feeling sad because...

I'm feeling angry due to... (being unheard)

Yeah @Zoe7 I do remember the Zoe Method. I have been trying to make the days good and try to stick to an ok frame of mind. I dont know, I know what I want to say but dont really know how to get it out really. Its just hitting harder tonight than it has for a while. Id done a lot of acceptance stuff but it feels like id done nothing in the past due to the intensity the past few days.

@Teej I internalise everything, I rarely show my emotions in that sense but its a volcano on the inside. Ive started the first part of that exercise and now with the second step can continue on with it. Ive gotten better at dealing with some of the emotions. Sometimes they creep up without me knowing then all of a sudden im not ok or it just comes out of the blue like it does for you and leaves me thinking where the hell has that come from. If I can work out how to put the emotions more into words then it might make abit more sense tonight...

ok @Sans911 I will give it ago, what if I cant identify the reason? Leave that one blank for now?

@outlander I just want to add some things to my post. If I’d received that post at nearly any point in time before this I would have wanted to snot the author. I also wanted to add that even those feelings might seem disproportionate to others for similar events, they are true and very big and often feel life threatening for us. I never intended to minimise anything you are feeling because I know they are all big and real, i just wanted to give a glance at how you move forwards. It’s bloody long and slow (well if you are me anyway) Please don’t get caught up with that post, I can imagine you may feel invalidated by me writing it, I think I would at first and then maybe in a few days time when wise mind kicks in I might read it again through a different lens..... and I might still be peeved at it 😜

Thanks @outlander. You are pretty amazing. I have struggled with so much of what I wrote in the past (all I ever wanted was a magic wand) and you take it in your stride 😊. I do wish you well with it. It’s not easy. 💜🤗

im trying to find the words... i dont know i feel like ive missed out on so much because ive had to grow up fast. never dated, never really had friends and struggle so much to make them even if i try. i feel kind of left behind sort of thing, i watch most people my age and i feel so odd and 'weird' like i dont relate to many people. im getting alot of the 'whats the point' or 'why bother' feelings. i feel so flat but not meaning to be, like i very rarely get excited or feel like im having fun or even interested in going out. i have like a dead feeling inside even when im overly anxious and have panic attacks, i just feel i dont know empty. i feel really old even though im really not that old.

does that kinda make some sort of sense?

@Sans911@Teej@Zoe7

@outlander

Just popping in to say hello.

It is probably fine if you do not know the answer. What can help in asking yourself questions is that the answer often occurs to you at a later time. Naming and working with feelings has taken me ages and I still feel like a beginner.

@Teej

Good night I need to hit the sack.