rough time

Just saw a book I thought you might like @outlander...as distraction .. "In the Quiet" set in Victoria.

Turning this darn puter off!

Morning @outlander ..... 👋

I know it’s hard, but try to just write into your diary for Monday morning that you have to make that phone call about your hand, then park all thoughts about it up behind that line in your diary ..... like .....

“Okay, it’s in the diary ..... I am making a move to do something about it .... can I do anything more about it in this moment ? No. Then there is no sense worrying about it. It sucks, but it is what it is ..... I am making the phone calll on Monday, so the worry is now deferred until then. I give myself permission to worry about it in that moment, not this one ..... “

Apply the same principle to other things @outlander, and you will start to find yourself not so squished by worry-buses coming through ..... you’re parking them all up and getting them off the road, right ?

With your pop, you might have to get a bit firmer .... gentle, but firm .....

”Pop, we have talked about this ..... if it’s worrying you enough to keep raising it, then it’s worrying you enough to go to the gp for. I can ring up and make the appointment for you, and I can take you to the appointment, but it’s you who has to make the decision to go ..... I can’t do anything else about it .... and it’s hard for me to keep listening to it coming up again and again ..... it’s a loop, can you see that ? It’s called a worry-loop, because you’re talking around and around in a loop trying to convince yourself to do something about it. That’s not good for you, and it’s not good for me either .... cna you understand that ? I want to help you, but then I keep hearing this worry loop with no steps towards a solution .... “

Sometimes having it pointed out like that is enough to help the behaviour stop, or for them to take that first step towards a solution.

With looking after the kids, sit down and explain to them that you will be spending time with them, but you also need time-out as a carer ..... like recess and lunch breaks for teachers, to give them an example ..... so sort out a spot in the house where you can go for down-time, and explain to them that when you are there, you are taking a break. They are only to disturb you if it’s something important.

These are boundaries @outlander ..... in a carer role you need self-car factored in, or all your energy gets spent on the carer role and you as a person end up in burnout. Deal yourself a hand at the table .... look after yourself as much as you are looking after everyone else .... factor in me-time and hold the boundaries on that ....

And if your Mum is not paying you as a carer, then ask her to do things for you in return ... and your sisters .... tell them that relationships are a two-way street, and it’s only fair that they give back to you in some way, not just take.

This can be said gently, and it can be said repeatedly .... as a loop that you need listened to .....