rough time

Morning/afternoon all I had a really good to chat with HC. They helped me work out my new safety plan esp with the warning signs. Honeslty I didnt pick up on half the stuff they did they actually gave me a huge lightbulb moment! She worked out my mh cycle- there was no way I couldve done that and no other psych has picked up on it so it was huge help indeed!

It basically answers why I turn to suicde and sh (besides the usual stuff)

my cycle- negative self talk, lacking more self confidence, not feeling in control, feeling overhelmed then acting on suicide thoughts/sh urges to gain control.

My warning signs

more Meltdowns

change in sleeping patterns

more reactive to things that I normally wouldnt react to

irrational thoughts/feelings

withdrawing more from supports

isolating myself for more than a day

more negative self talk and self doubt

guilt and/or shame

if you guys notice any of these things and I dont pick them up could you give me a reminder (theres no pressure at all of course)

one thing I could do with your help with though is working out which strategies are best used for what. For example-

I use my worry box- to help with my worries

I use my journal- to help sort out my thoughts and emotions

etc, etc, but need abit of help- would you guys be able to help me with that if I let you know my coping strategies?

@MDT

I am coping better today thanks to HC and you guys here giving me a helping hand. I am still really nervous but im ok.

@Former-Member@Sans911and eveyone

I am going to try and be open- it is extremely hard for me to do and may shut down but the main points id like to get help with is the fact that I am struggling a lot and would like to increse my supports, get my medications sorted out and also my sleep sorted out as well. I think those are my top priorities- what are your thoughts?

@outlanderglad you had a good chat to the HC and got some things sorted for yourself. Of course I will help you if you want.

I think those top priorities are stop on if you think they are. It is about you identifying what you need the most help with. Opening up is such a struggle for so many. We leave oursleves very vulnerable when we open up and that is difficult to do.

But you are heading in the right direction. Proud of you hun

thank you @Former-Member talking to HC really did help as well as my beautiful people here. i never wouldve thought of control as an issue for me but apparently its really common in trauma people. it does explain quite alot too. it has me thinking that maybe thats why i get really bad anxiety around people esp family and animals as well. i can control me (well yes and no) but i cant control other people so it kinda throws a spanner in the works sor of thing and sents me off kilter??

i had a think about it and i think those are the priorities atm, asking for help is hard and is making me upset but i have to. i would rather be alive but i no longer know how to help myself so i have to hand over the reins abit and have abit of trust in these people and hope they have an idea on how to help me more.

i would really love your help and @Sans911@Bunniekins and everyone here as well.

its mostly what coping strategies are best used for what so that when im anxious i can help pick what might work more than what works for my depression sort of thing. im not really sure where to start- maybe i could list what strategies i have and you guys could help me one by one?

@outlanderthat is fine if you want to list your strategies

@outlanderyea not now, leave it to later.

I'm ok, just having a wonky day. Maybe I should say wonky year!

I was meant to see my psych today but he is sick and cannot get in another day so a bit down on that as I have to wait till next week now. I think I rely on him too much for an outlet b/c when I miss a week my MH seems to suffer a lot.

@outlanderI will be ok, just means I have to practice patience, not something I have a lot of!

Haven't been doing much. Ate, feed kids, did some washing. Besdies that, been another couch day.

I need to go get some milk, bread, some essentials, so will do that soon.

How did looking after the kids go?