rough time

@outlander

that post sounds like you are so confused hun on so many different levels. Sometimes not having all the answers is super frustrating and worrying and this seems like one of your issues. I think we all have those times where we want the answers straight away and unfortunately life is not like that.

You are not a disappointment at all sweetie. You are trying your hardest under such difficult circumstances and that is all we can do.

Super proud of you for getting some of your thoughts out hun, I am sure that was not easy.

Sitting with you sis

took 4 hrs to get out @Snowie that post has been sitting there on an open tab since greenpea asked me on your thread. i wasnt going to post at all.

i cant really even think of a response either to anything with all of the thoughts around atm.

@outlanderhun a response it not needed, sometimes we just need to get those things out. Still sitting with you but have taken my meds so if I suddenly stop replying then .........zzzzz's!!!

Cheeky lil Sis @outlander you thought I would miss that post, didn't you? You have been relatively quiet of late on the forums. You are saying a lot less; I had noticed. Like Snowie, you seemed to be really confused. And the dissociation must be adding to it.

You know we all feel like a burden to each other, however, we all need each other as we are the only ones who understand what it is like. And that helps a lot. I mean, I haven't SH tonight, even though that was my intention, because I was so focused on helping her. And I am so sorry I haven't been there as much for you either. It bothers me a lot, but I have also been lost as to what to say and how to 'help' or if help is what you need. Next week is a very quiet week for me. I had something big on that I was legally bound to, but I have deferred it for a few months. I thought I might have had to go help my brother in NT, but perhaps not now. Everything is on standby now. So because of those 2 things I scaled back a lot of things next week. We will work on some DBT stuff if you like, and some help with the dissociation.

Try to let the feeling around the horses go for now. In time, that may or may not come back to you. It is super hard to do, like my passion for emergency nursing. I don't know if it's right for me anymore, but whenever I think about it, i just get super upset. In time the answer will come to me, and I will deal with it then. You may feel worthless and unwanted by your family, and one day you will need to make a decision about that whether you continue to let them treat you that way, or whether you remove yourself from their toxic hold on you. You are neither worthless nor unwanted by me and many others here. I miss you terribly when I am not online, and I enjoy helping you as much I enjoy you helping me. And the fun times are good too.

I still think you are doing way too much, and need to simplify your life. Dissociation is a sign of overload. And it can be dangerous if it happens while riding a horse or driving. You are never too old to manage the unmanageable sweet. If you need help at 21, 31, 41, 51 or whatever, you need help. We cannot do everything ourselves. We simply don't have the tools.

You remind so much of myself at your age. I felt utterly useless, pathetic, a burden, I couldn't hold down a job, I did not seem to fit anywhere at all. I think you need to slow down a LOT. You are doing a lot of overthinking, which gets you nowhere fast.

Why do you think you are a disappointment? And what makes you think you hurt people? It sounds like to me that others hurt you, and disappoint you because they see something amazing in you that they don't have. And instead of encouraging and congratulating you, they want to be spiteful and cause you pain. AND YOU LET THEM!!!! Stop letting them lil Sis. Tell them what they are saying is inappropriate and unnecessary, and it hurts. And how would they like to be spoken to like that. Don't engage past that point; walk away. What they feel and say to you is THEIR PROBLEM. Not yours. So choose not to REACT, but ACT. Be the smart girl that I know you are. And I know their words will still smart and hurt. But you are better to try to let it slide off your shoulders. Start taking back YOUR POWER @outlander.