rough time

I have deleted my reply so many times. For now until it can straighten this out in my head.

My heart is absolutely breaking for you my love. How can someone who is so loving find herself in this situation where she feels so terrified of making connections with others. I have never wanted to hug you more.

this is not the end of my reply

@Lee82

@Lee82 , please talk to me honey

I'm so sorry Kymberly. Maybe I don't deserve your kindness, comfort, compassion and love. Maybe everyone in my life is right. I am worthless and not deserving of love, comfort and happiness. Maybe I got what I deserved because they saw what a piece of shit I am.
@Former-Member

Just breathe, please just breathe and that is for both of us.

Lee, what would you say if Izzy said that to you, in fact I know Bear has said it you about herself. Think my love what would you say to them.

@Lee82

My love please stay with me.

@Lee82

what I said to Bear I truly believe and so should she and I fact all of you. I am my own worst critic. I find it hard to believe those things about myself. I don't listen to my own advice.
@Former-Member

Sweetie I am really senescing how fragile you are right now and this scares me to say:

1) please think about last night and tell me honestly what you think you said that impacted Izzy/Nikki and I promise to be honest in letting you know weather that had the impact you think it did

This ones scares me the most

2) what about me? What do you think would happen to me if you pulled away now? We have completely opened ourselves to you, you have seen me in my most vulnerable state, you have seen the sides to me and you promised to be there. How do you think that is going to affect me? This for me seems far to harsh for where you are at right now and very selfish to say to you. I am so sorry for putting this out there but I need you to see how important you are. @Lee82 Please don't ignore me

Lee you are starting to scare me with your silence bub.

Please stay with me my love

@Lee82

I feel like I had opened up about myself to Nikki when she was feeling maybe a little too vulnerable and fragile and it set off the downward spiral.
I will always be here for you honey. I am not going anywhere. I promised you that and I will keep that promise. I will always support you. Care about you. Love you, comfort you. Try and give you advice. I just don't feel I deserve the same from you. I am damaged goods. Broken beyond repair. Our friendship means more to me than anything and I'm afraid to lose it. I don't want anything I open up about to push you away or over the edge. I love you way too much. 💗

@Former-Member

I'm sorry it took so long. Just was trying to find the right words. I struggle a lot with expressing how I feel. I am so use to keeping it bottled up inside that when I try and talk about it I can't find the words. @Former-Member