rough time

Lee, no wonder they scare you. What you just described sound beyond terrible. You need you recognise that you are so very stronger in mind and body, I know it may not feel like it but you are. You continue to try and bring yourself out of these and then you continue to live. Do you feel up to telling me about your flashback that keeps popping up, I know there are strict guidelines to follow and that may make it more difficult but did you want to try. Please know there is no pressure what so ever.

I am being directed to add "my love" to the end of the message. How do you feel about that. @Lee82

Kymberly just wanted to let Izzy know that I have been listening to Spotify on my phone and the song Beautiful In My Eyes has just come on and I am thinking of her right now. Hoping she is ok.
@Former-Member

It seem that your post broke the guidelines, but I did get to see it but it has been removed.

Lee, firstly I am so sorry you had to endure that at such a tender age. Izzy has been dealing with similar issues and we completely understand your struggle. The impact these events have on us from childhood into adulthood can be really debilitating so again you show your inner strength by getting up every time and trying hard to have a life. You are raising two young men, you work, you support you friends here on the fourms and you still deal with your mother and exh. That screams courage and strength. I hope I am able to give you the comfort and support that Izzy/Nikki has offered you my love

@Lee82

@Lee82 , the love they have for you is immense. And when I was reading that message my heart swelled and it brought a smile to my face so I think you can be sure she knows.

It's getting harder and harder to try and keep that kind of daily pace. Work has reduced significantly for me due to COVID-19 however I don't think I am going to keep it. I just can't handle too much at the moment. Although it will be financially hard to do so I am triggered at work all the time and get anxious going to work as well as during work. My last shift on Friday was super tough and I left earlier than I was suppose to only by an hour and a half but I just couldn't do it. It is Thanks to Izzy and Nikki that I lasted that long. They were there to help me get through most of my shift. If it wasn't for them I would left after an hour. Just another way they have been there for me.
Kymberly you have been amazing to me tonight. Your concern and support is astounding so thank you so much.
so can I ask how you are doing right now?
@Former-Member

Thank you 😌

@Former-Member

I am sorry you are faced with such a issue. Choosing to look after yourself above Financial gain is such a courageous move and I am in awe of you.

I am glad they where able to help you get through as much of your shift as you did.

I am still sitting outside on the couch watching marvel movies while talking to you. Can I ask how you are physically feeling @Lee82

Thank you for saying that Kymberly but I don't see it that way. I see it as weak. I see that I am giving up the fight to stay at work and be active.
what marvel movie are you watching? I am feeling physically exhausted and I'm still shaking and as always I can still feel my anxiety. That is one thing I can't seem to shake these days is my anxiety. I wake up with it and I go to sleep with every god damn day for the past month. It is wearing me down. And it's becoming noticeable to others which I absolutely hate.
you still talking to your counsellor?
@Former-Member

please let me know if I am annoying you and you want to be left alone or if you are tired and want to go to sleep. Please I want to make sure you are looking after yourself.

Is everything ok Kymberly?
@Former-Member

Sweetie, I can absolutely understand why you would think that. But can I ask you to stop and think about the word "weak" and see if that's how you feel or is it a word you have heard people use towards you a lot.

I put on the avenges, the quickest way to calm inner child is with something she really enjoys or give her ice cream

(personally I think we have enough ice cream lately).

I hope you believe me when I say I am so very sorry you are still feeling the after effects of your panic attack. I get not wanting others to see what is happening for you. We are taught to hide our MH and it sucks. Is there anything that helps with it at all?

No I said goodnight to Nat a little bit ago, I had to tell her to go. She really is amazing. I will let you know when I am ready for bed my love.

the longer I talk to you the more I am growing to love you like the rest. I hope you know this is real friendship even though we haven't actually spoken. The amazing peace that we have right now is thanks to you. I can tell you one thing, the wait for you to reply seem endless even when it's been only five minutes 😁 Please let me know if you want to get some rest my love

@Lee82