rough time

@Lee82 , there are parts of me that I don't discuss with anyone, I still hold memories that are "hidden" from Izzy as they where extremely disgusting and painful. To have to acknowledge them and process them would be the end of her. She would not live with the guilt, shame and the knowledge of who was involved. She would have no reason to feel guilty but they played me well. There are some things we where forced to do that will haunt me till I died. Even being this vague with you has my skin crawling, I feel like I am going to be sick and the memories of the SH that followed these event have me feeling the pain caused.

@Former-Member

I cannot begin to tell you just how brave you are for even sharing that little bit of information. So firstly thank you for sharing. No matter how detailed or not the information is it is still progress.
sometimes it's not about the details in the story that matter the most. If they take you to a very bad place then they are not helpful to talk about. What is important is how you process what happened. Remember it was in the past. It is not happening now so whatever you are feeling right now is only that. Feelings. What is important is trying to desensitise those emotions. I know believe me oh how I know the feelings feel so real and as if they are happening in that very moment so if you feel this way try and move around. Help yourself to feel grounded by placing your feet firmly on the ground. Look around you and notice what is in your room. Shake your hands and always remember inhale for 12345 and exhale 54321. Focus on your breathing. That is very important.
honey remember you are strong. You are here with me and you are safe.

And you said last night that I had a lot of knowledge, but listen to you full of sound and helpful advice and words. Unfortunately our way of processing is just traumatic as the actual event. First Izzy is shown the event, then she will deny it actually happen, defend the person who committed and justify why they would never do such a thing and the acceptance. However that means reliving the event and sometimes it's just once but most times it will happen 3 or 4 times and it's a full experience. The pain, smells and sounds and all the marks left by that event. So there is no way of healing without Izzy knowing. Thank you for everything @Lee82 💜

oh Nikki I can't even imagine what that must be like. I have flashbacks and experience some things that are just as horrific as if it were happening right now but nothing like you are discribing.
Since meeting you I have done some research on DID because I have no knowledge about it and wanted to be able to understand it more so I can be more helpful to you and Izzy. I wish I knew more about it to better help you through this tough time. I understand how it has to be Izzy that has to experience it in order to heal. But you are here now and so how can we help you? Please forgive me for being so ignorant but if you work on healing does that in turn help Izzy too? I really hope I haven't offended you by asking this question but I really want to learn more and be able to help you as best I can. 💙

@Lee82 Sorry I will be back to answer you shortly. Daughter number 2 wants me to put dye in her hair. Be 10 minutes

Take your time. I will be here @Former-Member

No offence taken to your question @Lee82, I wish more people asked rather than just putting their heads in the sand and ignoring it or worse reading a little and deciding that ist actually Schizophrenia and running away. No the "true" aspect need to do the healing in our case or there can be no integration. Integration in the cause of a DID suffer means that all aspect merge (can't find a better word) into the true aspect meaning that we would no longer switch in and out. Izzy has aspect that are very young amd they don't understand what is going on at all and they confuse exh2 for their dad, she has one that's about 14 that is as gentle as they come but a huge pain in my butt because she is the trouble maker and the one that likes to be punished and has gotten Izzy into some quite bad situations. There are many others but them and myself are the ones that are the most "active".

Correct me if I'm wrong but schizophrenia is something you are born with where as DID is trauma based. So in my mind how can people confuse the 2.
ok so I understand a little better now. Thank you for that. I can see how it would be difficult for the younger alters to understand whats going on.
How are you feeling at the moment? Are you still safe?

People don't understand that when alters are around they are just the main aspect at "different" stages/ages of the mains life. They are all the main aspect, where with schizophrenics they have completely different personalities that are not necessarily connect to the suffers identity.

so just how open are you @Lee82 😮

Sorry I'm not sure What you mean when you say 'open'? @Former-Member

do you mean about DID?