rough time

OMG, that is.. there is no words strong enough to describe what your mother did you, that is child abuse on a while other level. You have had such a traumatic start to life and again you show how much core strength that is beyond what most people ever have. I am in awe of your strength my love. It is completely normal to be jealous of her daughter and understandable that it causes you so much pain. Again you have had to put up with so much and yet you are still here, still trying to get yourself together to live a better life, you have amazing strength.

They have no idea what her life with exh1 was like because when others where around it was one big happy family, he was a kind husband and a dotting dad. They all thought she had left him for the friend.

How is your chest feeling right now? When you say you drink your troubles away, uh how much does it take to do that for you? It worries me that maybe you could be doing other damage to yourself. Tell me to get f##ked and don't answer if you like.

I hope my question didn't upset you or

offend you because I didn't want it to do either.

@Lee82

I wish Izzy would give up her Facebook page it only reminds her of how much her family doesn't give a shit about her. 😞

@Lee82

Thank you for saying that Nikki. It means more than you know. However I could say the same about you and Izzy. I see unbelievable strength in you guys. To have brought up your kids to adulthood in the hell you were going throw is pure strength I admire.

oh I see. I wasn't aware they had no idea about exh1. Still they had no right to act they way they did towards her. It was her choice and they should have respected that.

my chest hurts but it hurts most of the time. It's a pain I have started to get use to however it is worse at times and hard to ignore.

umm I'm not too sure how much it takes. It varies. Maybe a bottle of wine.
i would never ever tell you to get f**ked. I am very grateful for your concern and support. I will answer any questions you have and if I feel uncomfortable answering it I will let you know. @Former-Member

How you feeling? Do you need to get some rest. Please make sure you let me know if you need to go.

That is exactly why I gave up Facebook. I couldn't handle seeing everyone on it so happy and having the life they don't deserve. I have now opened up a new account under another name and only have it for school updates and have a very selected few people on it. Maybe that is something Izzy can do if she doesn't want to give up Facebook completely. I don't post anything on it just follow pages.

I am sorry you cheat is still hurting you, that can be fun at all. A bottle of wine is not that much, I have seen the effects of drowning your problems too often in my job and it's not a nice way to go but if it's one bottle of wine I don't think that is so bad for you.

it amazes me that Izzy still tries so desperately to fit into her family. She will do anything for anyone who asks even it comprises her time, her boundaries and even her work. She does talk and see her sister and family but if they know she is going up when she gets there 9 adults and 14 kids under 12 kids so it is a bit much.

I will probably head to bed in the 30ish minute but for now I am good. Talk away my friend

Well I don't think I will be in bed anytime soon I just put End Game on. But please if you want time out or if you want to go to bed just so and I will stop. Still can't believe how much I have talked to you. I even checked in with a couple of others Izzy has been speaking too. "Must Not Get Soft Nikki"😂

@Lee82 Forgot again

@Former-Member

I can understand her wanting to be apart of her family. But it is definitely not healthy to be around those types of people...however It is a very very lonely life when you have none around. I can admit that I also do way too much for everyone in my life. I go far and beyond to please them especially mum. For some reason she still has this strong hold on me. I have this need to forever make her happy and proud of me when I shouldn't give a sh**t what she thinks. She still rules my life. I don't do anything without her permission. She has done a great job of controlling me. I am pertrified of her. I always have been.

i am so glad and relieved you are able to get some rest Nikki.

Why do we do this to ourselves??? We are better than that, we deserve better than what they give us. But I guess we have to believe we deserve better, that we are worthy of unconditional love and support. Even after all the work Izzy has done we still don't believe any of that. I know I told you that you are not to blame for those who hurt you, that Izzy still believes that it was all her fault. The total of about 9 abusers some did horrific things more than once, people she thought that loved her turning their backs on her and leaving her all alone she struggles with it, she believes if we where a good person a worthy person then it wouldn't have happened.

I wish I had a magic wand to make your life a little happier for you my friend. @Lee82 What are you doing