rough time

Firstly remember one of my super powers is I don't need sleep! I will get some later though, I don't struggle with sleep when I want it.

Dear Lee, what a horrible experience you have gone through and I acknowledge the pain and terror that has brought to your life. I have no words that can take away the pain and horror of what he did to you, but I ask that you see your strength. You told me he nearly did end you, but there was a fight in you even then that he could obviously not destroy, a will to live that he couldn't take away from you. My lovely friend you certainly didn't not deserve it, you did nothing to provoke it, you didn't ask for it, there is no way in hell this was your fault. For someone to do unforgivable acts on other human is all about them and their dysfunctions, their mental health not yours, no victim is ever to blame for what happened to them. One day not today though I will try a walk you through how izzy processes it, it is to real to talk about with you tonight. The process of healing is never easy, it can be long a drawn out and without support it can be endlessly brutal. I acknowledge your strength for getting this far in life, I acknowledge your loving heart that is raising your two little ones, I acknowledge and love your beautiful soul that helps others where and when you can.

Never apologise for how your feeling, it's how you are feeling and to try and downplay them or shut them off only limits your healing sweetheart. As for your ex, again not your fault. You are meant to be safe with your husband, he is meant to love and care for you and not do what he did The strain that would have put on you would have be unbelievably strong and again you show your strength by not letting it bet you. You show it by getting up everyday an being as present as you can be for your kids, You show by checking with the people you care about here and you showed so much strength in being Izzy's rock when you where completely compromised by all that you are dealing with this weekend.

I promise I will go to bed when I am tried as long as you promise to keep talking to me, even if we try to do the small talk thingie.
I am here for you my friend. Nikki

I guess all the brain washing that happened over many years from them has made me feel responsible for what happened. I know this is something I really need to work on. You are right no victim is to blame. My thoughts just sometimes lead me to believe it is my fault.

I sometimes feel like the healing process is just too much for me to handle. I feel like that right now. My head at the moment is pounding and my chest feels like a tonne of bricks is sitting on it. I love my boys more than life itself but I feel like I am letting them down. I am not present enough for them at the moment.
You have a lot of great knowledge and I am so very grateful I have met both you and Izzy. I thank you for all the kind things you said Nikki. It means a lot to me. It makes me feel cared for and not alone which is something I haven't felt for a very long time.
I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to respond but my brain is not functioning very well at the moment. I promise I will keep talking.
@Former-Member

@Lee82 Hope I haven't upset you friend. Nikki

Hi @outlander. Thanks for the tag 🌼 How are you going today? I've been doing ok, but today I was really blue. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I just couldn't shake. Couldn't get out of that darkness 💜

My turn to apologise for the time it has taken to reply. I had to finish making my adult child's dinner. She ordered special fried rice... yep sure baby girl.

Izzy has been working on undoing their words for years and they still impact her life daily and are still very strong. So don't be to hard on yourself about still believing them. Just try to remember you are not what they said to you or what they did to you.

It's very strange for me to have been this open and talking this much to someone I really don't know let alone have never meant. But I want you to know that you are cared for, and valued by myself and Izzy. I do wish there was a way of connecting other then here.

I am going to say let's chat about other random stuff if you are up for it. I will start in my next message. Just going to have a quick shower. Nikki

A little about Izzy, she is one of seven children, she has 14 nieces and nephews and 16 great nieces and nephews with number 17 due in August. She is a mother to four, 3 daughters, 1 son and I granddaughter. Her son was the first born boy to his fathers side in 16 years and as such is spoilt rotten by his dad and family. But he is a good boy (20 yrs old). Is is frightening obsessed with Harry Potter and the Marvel Universe. We are currently watching the first Advengers movie.

Forgot to tag you @Lee82

Just want to say hi @Molliex

Hi @Former-Member, I'm not sure we've met. I used to be a very frequent poster, but I'm not around as much lately. Nice to meet you 😁

Very nice to meet you too @Molliex and no we haven't met before. I am still relatively new here. Well Izzy is, I have been here for the day I am Nikki one of her "alters". Hope you have a restful night