rough time

No need to apologise @Lee82, I think we now how your feeling. Do you want to talk about what is happening for you right now? I think I am an ok listener. Nikki

@Lee82 , I am so sorry your exh did the same to you. It took us four years to forgive him and talking to him about what he did was so painful I thought Izzy was going to died for the pain of the conversation. It never easy and I can't blame you for not wanting to talk to him about it. I hope I can listen and support you the way you have me and Izzy. Talk to me,Nikki

You don't need to be hearing About what's going on for me while you are having to deal with your own. I don't want to burden you Nikki.

@Former-Member

Hello @Shaz51 , I hope you and Mr Shaz are having an ok day. Nikki (alter/protector)

@outlander Izzy has been thinking of you a lot. Hope you are as ok as you can be.

@Sans911 and @Lotusgirl hope your days have been peaceful

Thinking of you and missing you @outlander . Here to support you when you're ready xoxo

"In my most stern but caring voice"

Really? What do friends do my love? They listen whenever, wherever, no matter what is happening for them. Izzy has a lot happening but I don't. I walk around in her body being like her own built in guard so all I do is keep the nasty's away. I am very clear in our mind and very much emotionally stable. One of the upside to our DID I guess. Now please let me listen, let me (hopefully) make you feel like your not alone, let me try and help you. Nikki

I really appreciate that. That is very sweet Nikki. Thank you.
Everything that happened in my past is really taking its toll on me. Everything has just come up to the surface and I don't know how to deal with it. I am not able to cope daily even with just the little things anymore. I have gone backwards a lot and I feel like I am just getting further and further behind.

I haven't really dealt with what my ex did to me and that has affected me a lot recently. I briefly spoke to my psych about what happened but I still haven't worked through it and it's just sitting in my head. Flashbacks of that night happen a lot. PTSD has gone off the rails and SH is what I struggle with every night.
I have anxiety every god damn day and it is wearing me down and becoming noticeable.

To top it all off this weekend is a very bad weekend for me as I was sexually abused on Easter weekend when I was 17 and it is bring up those memories too.

Sorry forgot to add @Former-Member to the message.

Sorry for taking so long to get back to you @Lee82 , I was driving home.

Ohh honey, you are dealing with so much yourself right now and yet you found the strength to be Izzy's friend and support her through her craziness. You are one strong lady.

Flashbacks/PTSD/Anxiety/SH are all old friends of our too and I completely understand how with all that happening for you all at the same time it would feel like you are going backwards. Sweetie you opened up to me about your ex, about how hard this weekend is for you, (which I am very sorry that some a'hole did that to you) and I see that as a step, no matter how small a step forward.

Be gentle with yourself this weekend, forgive your self for feeling like it's all going backwards, forgive yourself for feeling the way you do. I don't really know you, but you come across strong, gentle and loving which can be a blessing and a curse. Reach into yourself and find the strength you found when you didn't let what that f**kwit did to you at 17 end you in that moment, Reach in and fine the love you have for your babies and give a little of that to yourself. Please know that it is my turn not to go anywhere tonight and to be here for you, for as long as it takes to get you through tonight.

Thank you for opening up to me and talking to me. Nikki

That is totally ok Nikki. I wanted to be there for her. @Former-Member

what happened to me when I was 17 almost did end me. I was lucky I survived it but sometimes I wish I didn't survive it. It was scary and aggressive and the third person to do that to me. He was relentless. Always finding ways to torture me. I had had enough and couldn't take it anymore.
Thank you so much for your unbelievably kind words.
it's just difficult be kind to myself when I believe I deserved what happened. I know intellectually I shouldn't feel this way but mentally I do.

What happened with my husband I still can't admit what the word is for it. Again I feel was my fault.
im so sorry I am not in a positive frame of mind at the moment. I can't see past the misery and pain. Not in a good place.
Your words Nikki have brought tears to my eyes. Truly.
I hope you are able to get some rest tonight cause I think you and Izzy both need it. Sleep is so very important in making us feel a little more capable of getting through the day. I am so very touched by you staying up with me Nikki as the nights are extremely lonely but please make sure you look after yourself as well as Izzy and try and get some rest.