rough time

@outlander - you are just as important and need support as anyone else. Who is the judge of who is better or worse than another? And does it matter anyway? I'd say give them another chance. And with the pysch she could be super busy or other reasons. Give her a couple more days and try again.

I think the study is something that you could hold off on for now. The social group is a good idea.

Sorry i mustve fell asleep @Sans911 thank you for your help. Ill give the psych a few more days hopefully reception will respond by then.
Ill leave study for now theres another intake in a few months so maybe ill be ok enough then or at least have been able to make life simpler. Maybe i was wrong to take on those extra few hrs too.
I know i should slow down because of those stress chemicals and how they are already affecting me but i feel like if i slow down then ill crumble and be worse than what i am now. Like giving myself that opportunity to have a breakdown. I also feel like sometimes i was put on this earth to be a slave to other people and if i say no then ive failed and ill be punished for it. I need to learn to accept that i can stop and just breathe. . Im lucky enough to be able to work but i think alot of that is because my caring role here to pop is like second nature - the cleaning and cooking and monitoring but also because im alone and not in the actual workforce same as the horse job i go in feed fill waters and check fences then i go home. I just feel really lost and trying to make a better life but trying to take it easy too or learn that its ok to not be ok and just breathe.
Sorry that was a ramble and a half.

@outlander - morning lil Sis. Sweetie, life isn't a dress rehearsal where we get to have a trial before we do the real thing. It unfolds in front of, right or wrong, good or bad. Life is living with failures and successes, mistakes and triumph. It's not a derailment, you just take another track is all.

You know, I had exactly the same thoughts as you. If I slow down I won't function properly and I'll crumble to peices in a corner. Why is that so bad? And so what if you did? What is the worst that can happen? You take time out of life for a little while to gather and pick yourself up, and then you keep going. No great failure, no major derailment. You just went on another track for a while.

No, you're purpose in life is not to be a slave to others. Not unless you accept that is your lot in life and that's all you are good for. And I don't believe for a second that's have you feel. You are a bright, intelligent young woman who has a magnificent life ahead of her. You have huge potential if you want it bad enough. And I believe you do. So there's nothing wrong with saying no, 'I can't do that for you this time', I have other priorities right now. Why would you be punished? Most if the time it you that is punishing yourself? Why? Is it so bad to take time for your own needs? Sure, when you first start to say no, people might be resistive, angry and argumentative. But you don't need to justify your reasons. Saying no takes courage and practice, and you'll probably need the guidance and support of a therapist to teach you the skills.

I understand the feeling lost. I have that too. My whole life I've felt frequently lost, no sense of belonging and a feeling of emptiness that no matter how much I work, travel, experience life I cannot seem to change those feelings. And those feelings are uncomfortable and sometimes distressing. I guess it's when we truly discover who we are, feel comfortable in ourselves and life live authentically then that sense of list and emptiness is fulfilled.

Don't waste this time you have now @outlander. Don't spend the next 20 years living like you are. Get help, support and start living your life for you. That doesn't mean a complete life change, moving places or giving up everything you know. It means living a life true to yourself, loving yourself, taking care if your own needs and others in a constructive, fulfilling way, finding a passion for life and dealing effectively with all the complexities of life in a manner that does not distress you. Sure, you'll always have stress, that's a part of life, but you can either deal with it without it destroying you or it can weaken you and make you vulnerable and distressed.

Wow, that's a big ramble from me at 6am!

Good morning @Former-Member. I hope your day is alright for you today. 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

@outlander - you're so welcome hun. I'm just going by my own life experiences. I don't think you know this about me. I've had MI most of my life in the but undiagnosed until recently. I was suicidal when I was about 14 or 15, and tried numerous times to take my life at the age of 17. One attempt was very serious, and nearly cost my life. I was in a mh unit for a while, but I never got follow-up after nor did I seek help. I just buried everything and tried to get on with my life. I had major issues with self esteem and confidence, I dealt poorly with conflict and often felt suicidal when things went pear shaped. After 20years, like a jack in the box, everything sprang out that I had buried. I've no choice but to deal with everything now, or I doubt I will survive my life. Some of my life was good, much not. But I do wish I had that opportunity for professional help and therapy back then. It might have made life easier.

I'm glad to that you heard back from the pysch practice. That's such a shame she's not available, but hopefully someone else is.