Dialogue with Sane forum Forumites

I have no contact (apart from brother not raised with us) since mother's funeral ... I have no desire for contact with my biological family now, whereas for a long time I wanted to be be included or generated positive activities ... eg concert or beach holidays ... they are not really that nice to each other anyway ... so I am not jealous .. they are very focused on material and real estate acquisition and snub me for buying house on wrong side of town.

As I really was a good niece and granddaughter ... ie on a family roster to fed my grandfather before he sickened ... pulled weight domestically and paid board from at least 13 yrs ... I dont have that much real guilt ... mostly now I feel disgust at them .. if they were to want to clean their consciences and approach me as they get older ... I will take it as I find it ... but I am no longer impressed in the slightest by their sense of "nuclear family" ... it just means spoiling their own kids and ridiculing anyone else ... mothers large clan of siblings certainly never worked or suffered for me or my sibs, dead or alive.

At this stage ..no contact is easier.

@PeppiPatty

I have ntoiced that support tends to happen when I have asked for it, and been specific about it rather than vaugely helpless and hoping someone will just step in and magically know what to do for me.

• When I moved out of home I contacted the local Centrelink, got my various forms sorted out, lodged them and began receiving Youth Homeless Allowance. I had set that in motion before I left home. I had also found a local squat that had agreed I could stay there.

• I applied for a place at the local Youth Housing Project and receieved support to get into their accomodation.

• When doing my NLP training and struggling with various aspects of it I asked for help from my partner and my trainer and got support.

• I had reciprocal relationships with some friends, and I provided support for them and they provided support for me - we had certain agreed terms and conditions around this - they weren't blanket support for all things, and it couldn't be too heavily skewed in one direction (that saw several of these friendships end). But for the agreed stuff you could call anytime of day or night and get support.

• When I hit my big rough patch earlier this year I went online and founsd this forum and receievedtonnes of support.

• At the same time I went to my doctor and explained what was going on and asked for medical support, which I receieved. I asked for a referral to a clinical psychologist which I got, and set up subsidised appointments with her. I gave her a second chance when we didn't gel in the first session, and made sure that I was talking about what I needed help with. So I got great support.

• I spoke to my manager at work about what was going on and got support from them also.

I have also occassionally received support, from strangers, without even asking for it. While that is lovely and a blessing, it is not nearly as effective as asking someone who either has an established relationship with you, or whose job it is to help you for the specific support that you need that they are able to give.

Glad you are keeping this thread going @PeppiPatty

I had a few good experiences ... when I went into CES old Commonwealth Employment Service ... and burst into tears about wanting a job ... my waitressing job had just been blown up . not a nice place ... St KIlda nightculb ... but I was just a drink waitress ... and I said ... all tear stricken and desperate ... I'm sure I can do your job ... the person explained to me how to sit the public service exams ... it is the only time tears have ever been productive .. but it was not at all put on ... that person didnt even know that I sat the exams and got a job quick smart ...

but I am grateful to him ..

it also taught me that my ability was different to my appearances .. as I had gone for a lot interview from the paper and not gotten part the interview stage ... I usually got most most promotions that I applied for within the public service ... myearly poverty was so extreme .. and I am still all mixed up about how to "present" ... feel guilty about buying clothes or putting on makeup ... and then feel guilty that I am not trying to present well enough ... etc

then at end of marriage ... I put in an application and had a tearful call to Centrelink ... and then was totally blown away becasue the clerk called me again a week later to see how I was ... I could nt believe that anyone would do anything outside the limit of duty ... it gave me a sense of hope ... and in the end helped me go on Newstart ... and leave husband.