Dialogue with Sane forum Forumites

@eth I notice too that one of the posts by another member that was there earlier has now been removed. If you were replying to that message yours might have got lost in the system while the first was in the process of deletion or moderation. If there was a problem with your post I think a moderator would have contacted you by email.

Love the new image by the way.

@Former-Member I really hope you have a good therapist with whom you can totally trust the confidentiality agreement they are bound by. Sounds as tho' you are in a really difficult situation. I have been through a long court case about DV and it really takes it's toll. I feel for you.

Re: posting and moderation ... I have often lost posts somehow when typing too fast ... or message long and then it might appear in auto save or not ... yet it is really "good" fo me to just keep at it ... I am letting go some of my head pain and over vigilance and critical faculties that hurt my head ... I am just pouring out my little ole soul ...

I found mods to be patient with me as I sometimes break rules without thinking through everything I type ... but I dont mean harm and try to be constructive and honest ...

It is hard to know how others will relate until you start getting feedback ... I have been often told I overthink things ... so this is my way of just letting go and being me ... and hoping that others benefit from my sharing ... do a bit of their own ... and we all get to know each other better.

I have had to work hard at getting support ... and when I got it my mother "felt" it as betrayal and became vindictive in a subtle but long term hurtful way ...

I still find it difficult to get support ... I dont think that I am too proud to recieve it ... it just hasnt always been well targeted to my needs.

I have tried to always acknowledge the support I have recieved irl and online.

@Former-Member it is over now - most of it was 2009/10. But I still relive parts of it at times. Really good to have support, even when it's professional. This year I've worked with a psychologist who is a trauma therapist amongst other things and it's really helped. It takes time to learn strategies to help with post-trauma issues. Be gentle with yourself when you can.

Now that i realise that my extended family was very toxic and I dont have any contact with them maybe I can start ... the younger ones I understood but many older ones drained from me and mocked me when I was actually ok and standing on my own 2 feet.

That is my little illusion that I had to face ... there was NO support and it wasnt my fault.

I am only learning about reasonable boundaries and things that most people really do take for granted ... even those from 3rd world developing countries. Eg many had cars and telephones when I was a child we did not ... so not all of them were actually poorer than us.

I dont mind having verbal hints ... I just didnt realise how shocking my circumstances were and how hearing about them if I mentioned anything to middle class whites must have sounded and why it effected my capacity to make friends.

Today I had a new student ... a severely autistic child to teach ... I hope I can help ... I try to meet each person where they are.