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I don't know what to do

BunniekinsSenior Contributor24 Dec 2017, 6:27 pm AEDT

I don't know what to do

I have this love hate relationship with my mania and voices etc. The only reason I stay on my medication is because of my children and I really don't want to get into trouble with the boys in blue which can so easily happen when you are manic .... I miss the highs which are so high, I miss some of my voices and I have to be very strong to stay in this real world when the other is so enticing and exciting compared to this reality.

My psychiatrist says to develop relationships with neighbours etc (which I have been doing) study (I have been trying), all I want to do is to float away. I dont want to be apart of this world this consumerist society to be a cog in a wheel of some corporation ,but if I stop taking my medication I will go mad again so I am caught in this no win situation where I cannot go forward because I hate what I see around me and will not go backward because I do not want to go mad again.

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In response to: I don't know what to do

gypsyleeSenior Contributor24 Dec 2017, 6:55 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know what to do

I feel the same @Bunniekins. I’m not bipolar but I don’t conform to society’s norms and I never will. I don’t really have any answers.. At the moment I’m just treading water and it gets depressing..

In response to: Re: I don't know what to do

BunniekinsSenior Contributor24 Dec 2017, 7:02 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know what to do

@gypsylee treading water is right ... we will tread water together ... holding each other's hands to stop ourselves from sinking 🙂

In response to: I don't know what to do

utopiaSenior Contributor24 Dec 2017, 8:55 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know what to do

@Bunniekins - that sounds really hard. Having this 'other world' that you could easily slip into - but trying to stay present.
I don't have any experience or advice. But I did want to say that I am impressed by your strength to keep fighting and stay in this 'unmanic' world.
Sitting with you.

In response to: Re: I don't know what to do

BunniekinsSenior Contributor24 Dec 2017, 9:05 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know what to do

@utopiaThanks my beautiful cockatoo friend I need that 🙂

In response to: Re: I don't know what to do

Unknown userMember24 Dec 2017, 9:07 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know what to do

@Bunniekins I don’t have any advice either, my MI is completely different. But I am here for you to help you get through the highs and lows. 💜💜💜

In response to: Re: I don't know what to do

BunniekinsSenior Contributor24 Dec 2017, 9:10 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know what to do

@Former-Member means the world to me to have people caring like yourself 😄 xx

In response to: I don't know what to do

outlanderSenior Contributor26 Dec 2017, 11:54 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know what to do

@Bunniekins hello loveley

You need to find a balance for yourself. You dont want to go backwards so as a suggestion i wouldnt go off your meds.
However i wonder if you could so something that nakes you feel good- makes you feel alive? Yeah youvr got your studies but what about something out of the norm? U want a tattoo why not get one?
Join a social group and interact with those.

Developing relationships with those voices can be borderline dangerous. The more fun yet rational onea are ok however you speak of the danger of a few. You dont want to confuse them for a freindship when really they arent friends to you. They are toxic. You said you fight hard to keep them away.
That possibly tells me that maybe your meds arent working to the beat of their ability.

That other world i know well myself. It can be scary not knowing what is real and what isn't and then u come back to the present and have no idea. Back to those problems u were tryingto forget.

I really sugest talking to your psychiatrist. You matter to us little greenpea. Id rather see you live a happy life but without the voices telling you what to do. Do the things you want because you have ( not your voices ).

What is something your passionate about?

In response to: Re: I don't know what to do

BunniekinsSenior Contributor27 Dec 2017, 11:31 am AEDT

Re: I don't know what to do

Darling @outlander I am passionate about my children, nature, animals. I have a huge problem with our commerical world, our consumeraste society. I worry where it is all taking us. My Dr G has recently done some blood tests of which I will get the results back at the next appointment. I agree I dont think the medication is totally doing the job although his words 'he doesnt want me to turn into a zombie' so it is a fine line to tread. I tell him to knock me completely out.

I will mention all of this to him when I see him. Thank you for your beautiful answer. You are a dear friend Outlander. xx

In response to: Re: I don't know what to do

outlanderSenior Contributor27 Dec 2017, 12:07 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know what to do

morning @Bunniekins

alright so your passionate about a few things. im wondering if you would be up for some charity work?

of course you can study but this is what i was talking about when i said do something your passionate about.

theres heaps of charities for kids, pets and nature.. do you mind if i ask what state your in? i can take a look at a few things for you if this is something you would like to do.

no you dont really want to be a zombie but the voices are a worry. they can be very hard to ignore and when we become 'friends' it can be even harder to distinguish between reality and the other world.

im glad youll be disgussing all of this with your psychiatrist, im sure youll come up with something but also know your not alone in all of this either

In response to: Re: I don't know what to do

BunniekinsSenior Contributor27 Dec 2017, 1:00 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know what to do

@outlander I am in far north NSW. Yes it is hard to distinguish except for the ones I hear outside my head they are as clear as a whistle. The ones coming from an inaminate object.

I think you are right. Keeping myself busy is the key and doing something worthwhile which helps the community and nature (which I do already to a limited extent) but more so is the way to go.

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