Twisted -self care

Oh, precious @Catcakes you made me almost laugh out loud when your email came in. Thank you for the bright spot today, I needed it.

Soo awfully stressed, shaking so badly it's hard to type, had three goes to do up the zip on my crochet tools pouch. An hour till I go out and I'm terrified, tears not far away. Have to have a shower and get dressed, but I'm not procrastinating .... much....

Have written out list for chemist in case can't talk or leaking - they are truly wonderful where I go and understand MH issues and are soooo sooo caring.

I have put together a self care bag for me though, two crochet projects - 1 complicated if I need total distraction, 1 simple dishcloth if I can't focus properly. For snackiness - the wait can be over 3 hours and i don't think I'm gonna eat before I leave or I'll be sick - a cut up sweet pear which I was saving for today anyway, 2 Lebkuchen cookies (pink icing with sprinkles and choc underneath) which I usually enjoy, a few grissini bread sticks and a few cashews for choice. Plus a bottle of water.

Might eat it all, stressing, might not eat anything. The total will be a bit over my carb limit if I eat it all in one go, but if I spread it out, should be fine enough. Have taken my anxiety med, but can't take the full amount cos - driving.

Wish I could stop shaking and stressing. Okay, gots to go have this shower and get dressed now. Might have to wear my hiding-from-the-world-cape.

Okay ... breathe .... one step at a time ... I can do this .... yes I can ...

@Former-Member I am guessing you are out and about now. I can hear how very very scary today's adventure is for you - good thing you have a turtle, a carebear and a...er...catcake cheering you on! You can do this, I just know it - and I'm never wrong you know!

@Catcakes I super love the image I have in my brain of your new hairstyle!

Well, I am home and have even dashed off some notes on Forum Land before landing here to tell of my escapade today. It was really, really hard to do that today, but I did manage. Have a whopping headache even with the pain meds.

I had an icecream as a reward, as soon as I got home. yay me. Peppermint Magnum, they're actually really nice even though I despise peppermint in most things. (result of a mishap with straight peppermint extract given to me in recovery after a surgery in my upper teens).

@Catcakes I chose to do the complicated project mostly because I wanted to prove to myself that I could, and because I want to get the darned thing finished. I did have to undo sections a few times due to creatively interpreting the flow of the design, but it is coming together.

I did have to remember to breathe and refocus quite a few times. Made myself slow down, used my prewritten note to get my purchases done.

@Phoenix_Rising and @CheerBear and @Catcakes thank you for the company, I did have to check my project bag a few times to make sure you were still with me there and that helped.

My hide-from-the-world-cloak helped a lot too. Although it should scream, loudly, don't talk to me!, don't touch me!, what do you think you are doing getting near me? Today it didn't do that so well and people stopped to talk to me. One lady was so kind, she spoke quietly to me, one question, and with my one word answer she understood why I was wearing it - then we both had tears in our eyes at her next kindness.

All in all, although it was one of the hardest days I've had in a very long time, I got through it without mishap because I thought ahead and made sure I took care of myself and my passenger, and now I get to rest.

So thankful to have your support, it truly made a very great difference to lessening the terrible aloneness feelings.