What does recovery look like for you?

Hi @kristin I hope things are well for you at the moment

thank you for this question, nearly 11 months on and it's still alive.

I was asked a very similar question just recently that required a written response.

My question was simply "What does recovery mean to you?"

As it was a written response I had to break it into; What recovery means to me personally and What recovery means to me in general

I would like to share the second part

What “Recovery” in general means to me

Simply expressed most people strive for a happy and content life, what provides that is completely individual.

People living with a mental illness have more challenges than others in achieving their happiness. Recovering from a mental illness is the journey of requiring the tools to knock down those challenges.

Mental Illness is so diverse, you only need to see the size of a DSM to appreciate the quantity of diagnoses. Further to that we are also all individuals, so even with the same diagnosis every recovery is personal.

Recovery to me in general would be where you can live happily and feel that you can love and be loved, most importantly yourself.

@kristin

This is a great thread topic and responses.

@Neb

Love your down to earth approach. Self-acceptance is so important. Your bit about not needing to bring up MH issues or be secretive about it resonated with me. Did it take a while to achieve that balance?

I had set myself the challenge of not talking about it but now I am a bit more evenhanded. I still shoot myself in the foot and at times, and tend to over-reveal, but secrecy was also forced on me, so I am trying to be kind to me about that.

Hi Neb. I can really understand how you say you are unable to form meaningful intimate relationships. Not only am I scared to, but I've isolated myself so badly and time has marched on so quickly that I am now at an age whereby the chances of meeting anyone is extremely remote. Most people are already in relationships or not interested any longer, although I'm sure there still are a few people out there, but now so scattered in my age bracket I have no way of ever meeting them anyway.

I do have very few friends One of them close and it's great on the rare occasion when they come out to see me, but I find it very difficult to go and see them as they all smoke and I get particle induced asthma when stuck in a smoke filled room. It's their house and I don't say anything. I just stay away instead and one person in particular often askes why I never visit when I'm driving past. I'm sure he takes it personally, but both him and his partner are heavy smokers. Both have MI and I realise that smoking and MI seem to go hand in glove, however because of my own MI, I just can't look him in the eye and tell him why I don't go there.

I may be sooo wrong in thinking like this, but because I have a MI, I tend to look towards others who also have a MI for support and company. My family doesn't want to talk about it, so I believe those with a lived experience to be better able to understand..........but I haven't met one yet who doesn't smoke

Sorry to the smokers on the forum. It really doesn't worry me that you smoke, but cigarette smoke does cause me terribly uncomfortable breathing difficulties.

Ellie.

@Hobbit

I really liked your previous post and personal revelations.

Yet I think their are problems in defining recovery as only about a subjective sense of being ok. So many people's experiences seem to be in being forced to accept that they are sick and someone else (doctor or carer) is not. Sure it is part of recovery, but not the whole equation.

@kristin

I am glad your instincts were on alert after your meeting.I have witnessed throughout my whole adult life a great many immature and poorly adjusted behaviours and attitudes by those with fulltime jobs. IMHO Fulltime work is over-rated. I worked harder after I left fulltime work in 1986 than I did before. I am feeling a little cross with sweet young things that dont believe I work now.

Recently on radio national I heard about a study detailing narcissistic traits in those who are "successful" in business or sport etc. I believe in many ways mainstream society rewards pathology.

When I get more ofay with my laptop I might be able to post more links.You can probably put your finger on them more quickly than I.

Healthy self esteem should not condone the bulldozing and cruel tactics often at play in the workforce, but I should not be naive or delusional to think that it does not occur.

@Neb

That was a beautiful post. Listening and being seen or heard is key.

One of the reasons I decided to join the forum and spend some time here was that I liked the quality of the listening evident in the posts, shown by peers.

Survival long term is an important attribute. Necessary for us, and for me to finally put my experience and family experience into broader perspective. Whats reasonable for what situation. Recognising and naming my feelings. Shame is a biggy. Do you mind if I start a thread about it?

@joy

I liked your post very much. I too had positive responses at work. Recovery means so much more than just paid work.

My brother and I have also generated incomes independently of any boss as well as being promoted within work structures, but still it is connectednes with like minds and souls that seems to make life worth living.

On the other hand there are a quite a few individuals I know who "suffer" from limited consciences but like an easy job and materialistic lifestyle that allows.

Recovery to me would mean a bit more acknowledgement from such people, but I might be waiting a while.

I'm really glad to be reading this discussion. I think there's a big difference between clinical recovery, which is medically defined and measured, and usually means eliminating or decreasing symptoms and achieving "psychosocial rehabilitation" (as defined by mental health professionals), and personal recovery, which is defined and measured by each individual.

I would add, that part of recovery, is being able to overcome the stigma and stereotypes that are placed on a person with a history of MI, by society, as the affects of stigma can have lasting consequences. Stigma impacts personal relationships, employability and even self-confidence.

Hi Kristen,

I am very new to this site and forums and would like to add my thoughts.

As I am just starting my recovery and journey after a BPD diagnosis only part of the process for me is about returning to paid work. Unfortunately it is a necessity for me as I am a single mother but also as a way to set up routine. I'm not saying that i'm not worried about returning to work but I think it has to be an individual thing depending on the MI and the cirumstances of the person suffering.

I believe that the number one thing for me is losing the shame of having a MI and owning it. Being able to openly discuss it without the stigma and shame that MI still has attached. After being a patient and being married to someone in a mental health profession there is a lot of work to be done to improve this.

We all have to crawl before we can walk. It's ok if we commando crawl for a little longer so we fully recover before we find out if we are able to return to work.

Just my 2 cents.......

Ellie