What does recovery look like for you?

SAndy, thank you. But unfortunately I was suffering prior to being diagnosed and it is a learned pattern, in my case, too old to change now apart from that I do not like change it scares me. This is going to sound stupid but at the moment I am in control to a degree, when i'm not I go to hospital.

loopy.

Recovery for me is not something I even consider (until i saw your post recovery wasn't even something I had thought about)

To the outside world I come across as a "normal" happy person. Have always had a job and have worked my way up to be a manager for some very large companies.

My focus has always been on a day by day basis.

Depending which specialist i listen too i have bi polar, major depression, paranoria. Mental illness is in both my Mothers family and my Father's. i am the only 1 out of 4 siblings who has depression..

The last 2 years I have finally realised I'm ok with being me

-.I have never kept it a secret as i felt it was important for the people who were in my life to know. (That didn't include bosses or other workers.)

it is still a day to day battle, but i know longer feel i need to justify myself to my family or friends.

Things that have helped me except and stop fighting my depression are;

on days when I am so bad and could stay in bed and sleep or just feel really low and want to cry and not deal with life, i force myself to go outside my house and walk around both my front and backyard till i can find something to take a photo of. (i just use my mobile phone) it can be anything from a bug on a bush, the sun coming thru the trees just anything. I often find i can be outside for longer then i thought imagineable. If I'm up to driving I grab my loyal dog and i drive to a random spot like a park, the broadwater, a dog park and do the samething. I love taking photos and always have, just always hated being in the photos! I had forgotten how much i loved it. I then choose my favouites and play with them in photo apps like instagram. Often its a photo I love and proudly post.

I started a grateful jar that i try everyday to put something in. Admittingly some weeks i do it everyday then forget for a few weeks. On bad days were i can find nothing at all to make me take my mind off my racing head and I'm a blubbering mess; i tip the jar out and read a few off them. I date them as well, that way when i read 1 I remember back to that date and try to remember the conversation or event that made me write what i was grateful for. Sometimes it is as simple as speaking to a friend on facebook that lives in another town that i wouldn't have maybe picked the phone up, but saw something they posted which started up a conversation for example.

In really low times i know i will get thru it eventually always do. I have been thru some of the toughest times in the last 5 or so years that if i survived that i can survive anything.

Everyday without fail i tell myself I am doing the best i can with the situation I have. Might not have been what I had planned for my life or even my childrens lives, but it's true i do. I also have reminder sticky notes to remind me on my mirrors.

I also write letters. Venting my hurt, frustration whatever it is bothering me. I tell the person I'm writing to exactly what I'm thinking and feeling. Some times it can be like a essay. I never ever send them. I burn them in case someone ever found them! For me it just takes the edge off and i feel like i got it off my chest. Doesn't make it better or the event ok. It just helps me, as when i read back over it i find i don't feel as angry as that anymore.

The last thing tip i have is on the few occasions i have felt so low that I couldn't do it anymore I remind myself I wouldn't give the satisfaction of having anyone say or think

Welcome to the Forums @jqw. What an inspiritional first post! Sounds like you have much wisdom (like so many of our community members on here) through your own lived experience to offer.

Looking forward to 'seeing' more of you on here.

CB

P.S. I'd love to see some of your photos if you ever feel like sharing on here.

Hi @jqw

A quick welcome to the forum (before the 10pm shut time)! What an open and honest first post, thanks for your courage in sharing it with us.

Your photos idea made me smile, I have a similar practice (have decide I want a proper camera for Christmas). You might want to look at the post with the photos on this link.

I love the gratitude jar. I think I might try that one, you might like to check out this thread of gratitude posts.

I'll try to get back and give you a longer response later. but I'll say take care for now.

Kind reagrds,

kristin

I agree with "wellness' Kristin. The word "recovery" is bandied around a little too much. It sounds too much to me like a term used following surgery.

As someone who suffers BPD, I do have very brief periods of wellness and it feels amazing, so for me, there's "wellness" and "complete wellness," the latter where I would be considered to be in permanent remission from the symptoms of BPD.

My idea of complete wellness or permanent remission is a place in the near future where my emotional state becomes stable and I believe that even though I'm rapidly aging, I can still see a life ahead of the present worth living. It's as simple as that for me. To obtain a life worth living!

Ellie.

"Recovery isn't about getting back to how you were before, it's about building something new."

I came across this anonymous quote whilst reading about recovery programs at work and just thought that here was a good place to share it.

I don't remember being any other way. I've always known I was different for as long as I can remember. I think thats why with my kids unconditional love and the motto of the door is always open has been drilled into them from birth. So the opposite of what my parents did basically! Never kept my bi polar and depression etc a secret, has always been age appropriate.

Where as in my family (mother n siblings) don't believe in MI "if u just got up each day did your hair n makeup ud feel so much better." Hmm so glad they live in different towns..