Christian Chat

Thanks @heartathome .

My emergency contact was a family member. But someone with a big mouth and I was someone who honoured confidentiality. It wasn't their fault that they didn't understand my work was really stressful. There should have been something in place with the workplace itself.

What age did I go down to? I think about three at that early stage. Young enough that it was impossible to feel the stress. It was very comforting. As was the light through the ceiling. It was like God had arrived to help. It wasn't at all something to be afraid of. It was so peaceful.

How do I feel after sharing? I don't think being overwhelmed by life is something to be ashamed of. I believe the stages I went through are God's steps. When the reality of a life situation is unimaginable or too much I think God created us with a mechanism to change that reality so our heart rate etc can return to normal. I feel a little of the stress of the moment as I write this but I'm okay. This is an easy part of the story.

Thanks for listening.

Time to go to bed. Sweet dreams to you.

@heartathome @Realness

i think I might got myself into trouble. Feeling so incredible angry with myself at the moment. For the last few weeks I have stopped medicating myself away when angry. i was hoping I would be able to cope with my upset ness with life now that I'm merging and I am allow to be.

At a loss how to deal with this best right now. Rage keeps welling. How can i stop being like this when I don't want it to stop?

Please pray I get through this in one piece, and minus the rage.

Thanks.

I'll be praying for you @DownMoreThanUp

Rage keeps welling. How can i stop being like this when I don't want it to stop? Have you gone back on your meds? I think they will help. What don't you want to stop? The psychosis? Sending hugs 💛

Hi @DownMoreThanUp ,

Thanks for calling out. It's good to hear from you.

I had the same thought as @heartathome - have you taken the meds?

I'll be praying for you.

Good morning @Realness

I've been thinking (which can be dangerous 😄 ) Did you know that there is a thread for people's stories? You might feel safer on the Christian thread where you know the people, though. You can also make your own thread, if you wanted. I wanted you to know that you have options, in case you didn't know. I just want you to feel safe sharing your story, wherever!

I hope you have a good day, my friend! 💛

God's fingers from Mount Warning at sunset (when you could climb it)

@heartathome @Realness Thanks for praying. Jesus got me through it in The End, despite me raging at Him. Fell asleep after 2am sometime on sleepers. Slept for over 3 hours, I did not think I be able to.

The problem with meds is suppression of myself in this alter. i have done this for over 35 years on and off, but because of that I never changed.

This is why i do not want to take the meds to stop being like this. I want to stop raging as I do when I'm like this processing my feelings properly instead of suppressing them. But got badly overwhelmed last night. For just after I went to sleep I woke up raging and was not able to get out of it, struggling badly wanting to end it.

It is a paradoxical fight with myself within myself hating myself raging yet not able to be different than I've turned out to be, with me in my other alters looking on, struggling to trust that Jesus will win and not the raging hate towards myself that has hold of me.

Talking about drinking bitter water!

Feeling calmer today. Been discussing last night with my wife. She is fully supportive the only one in the whole wide world who loves me true, for I know I don't.

Still very emotional but not raging any longer. Hopefully that was he brunt of it last night, for I don't think I can survive to many of such episodes.

Thanks for caring and being there for me.

(EDIT)

And no friends it is NOT about psychosis, for i'm further from psychosis than I ever been, being like this. I do take meds for that. Rather it is me in my raging alter, how I have turned out to be, because I only ever been psychotic when like this. At other times i suppressed myself when I'm like this. So I never got a chance being around so to speak. For the truth is I would not have done anything but got rid of myself in my other alters. Sadly this has always been the issue for me. i have always been opposed to myself in my other alters, whatever alter i would be in.

Truly I'm the last alter Jesus has me in to shed his ugly skin so to speak. If that makes sense.

@DownMoreThanUp ,

I'm glad you made it through it and got three hours sleep.

What a maze your life is. I understand you want to work your way through the maze rather than just suppress parts of yourself. You're the expert on your own life.

I know it's not the same thing but my life was a maze for over a decade. It was probably three years before I realised that I was in some sort of mind maze - there was something I wasn't getting. I won't go into details here but I had a repressed memory. I eventually was able to face it about ten years later. After it came back there was still catch up processing but I think I got there.

I tend to think that the brain never fully recovers from a terror experience. The neural pathways that are laid down in coping with the emergency continue to cause problems but I'd love to be wrong on that.

Hi @heartathome , @DownMoreThanUp , @Appleblossom , @ENKELI

Luke 12 today.

A crowd trampling on one another. Jesus' teaching through the whole chapter. Here are some of the highlights:

- God cares about each sparrow. Cares much more about each person. The hairs on your head are all numbered.

- Anyone who acknowledges Jesus before others, Jesus will acknowledge before the angels of God.

- Watch out and be on guard against all greed.

- Parable of rich man with an abundant crop. Thinks bigger barns and rest is the answer. God says, "You fool! This night your soul is required of you."

- How it will be for those who store up treasures for self and are not rich toward God.

- Don't worry about your life, what you will eat, or your body, what you will wear.

- Your Father knows that you need them.

- But seek His kingdom and these things will be provided.

- Sell your possessions, give to the poor and have treasure in heaven.

- For where your treasure is there your heart is.

- You also be ready, because the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.

- To the one who has been given much, much will be required; the one given little, less required.

I like that this is acknowledged in Jesus' teaching. People are given different starts to life and it impacts the way they are able to live life. God does not require the same thing from every person.

Hi @heartathome ,

Thanks. I don't think I want my own thread and I do feel safe here on the Christian thread. Thank you for welcoming me.

I will go slow though. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be.

I loved the photo of God's fingers at Mount Warning at sunset.

I'm glad Jesus saw you through last night and you were finally able to sleep @DownMoreThanUp

I understand you not wanting to take the meds. I'm sure medication puts a film/ cover over our mind. I still think you can process things on meds as well, maybe not as clearly. Maybe not for you.

I believe you! I think you make perfect sense. You've been doing it for so long and your other alters have merged (I think you said that it's only the rage alter that's left to merge) so that's great!

I'm so glad your wife is so loving and supportive! Don't forget that you are special and precious! Gods got you! 💛