@Realness That is great!
Yes our relationship is a wonderful gift. My mum and dad had a really bad marriage while we were young, and i knew i had real issues fighting evil voices all the time, yet longed for a companion. So i prayed Jesus to bring me the right one, and then let me know she was the right one.
About 4 years, and a few loose relationships later, i met her in a large group of teenage believers in the Church i had just joined.
The first time i met her i knew she was special. For out of the whole group of young people i knew, at least 40+ single girls, , and only two other girls, dared speak about their faith love and hope in Jesus openly and publicly.
Faith and love for Jesus were my first criteria, i wanted a partner who loved Jesus, not just believed in Him. Also her name meant gift of God, so i knew Jesus was faithful bringing her to me.
After one night out with her i knew she was the nicest person i ever met, and then when she accepted a weekend to Albany with me, i knew the love of my life had come. Coming Easter that famous Weekend, we kissed our first kiss, will be 45 years ago.
i share you a poem i wrote to her after two major psychosis had wrecked our life together and although we both loved each other a lot, my at times raging madness and all the trauma releasing, torn us apart.
It means a real lot to me, for my dream for us together is coming true every day a little more. At least Jesus united us safely back in our relationship.
To you.
I long after your spirit so gentle of touch and voice.
Delights of peace and harmony your simplest choice.
The gentle breeze of your presence to make my body tingle.
The loving delights when our spirits in Him become single.
To know you better is my choice of heart.
A cooling moment when you depart.
I feel safe in your judgment.
Hurt in your disappointment.
And joy in the smile of your contentment.
As I'm proud of your every achievement.
I feel frustrated when I can't read You.
Or don't understand why that is what you do.
For I constantly need to know.
What direction your love does blow.
Otherwise how can I get closer to you?
Not knowing when harm I might do?
To our precious love so abused.
As in times past?
Part of yourself denied, is what I vex
My being often causing your inner shipwrecks.
Am I still causing hurt and strife
Inside my beloved wife?
Because I am to blind to see
That sometimes I cause you misery.
All because I am me?
It is so hard to bear such responsibility.
When I love you so and want so much more……
To give what has been slain in me so sore
So out of reach for me to give or enjoy.
How this my heart does annoy.
Yet I know that you are waiting there for me.
Seeing me captive seeing me free.
How I can cry for you from out of my inner jail.
When I see all that you do without any fail.
While I'm just an emotional demolition squad.
Watching myself in anguish rot.
After I have blown myself away once more.
Darling I don't know fully what has gone wrong.
For though my love for you is still so strong.
Lots else inside of me has badly crashed.
Much of me has been completely smashed.
For I gave my love away to gain even more.
Yet I lost so much to Devil's evil sore
For see how sweet your smile at me can be
Still out of reach, you can be to me.
Seeing your heart seek my love.
Knowing my love is not enough.
Wondering about the love I feel inside.
Whenever you come into my mind.
Yet I can't seem to give what I ache to impart.
To take you to my dwelling place of heart.
Offering myself so destitute and exposed.
Telling you that I still love you the most. (After Jesus of course.)
For how I long to be simply at your side,
With the inner heartfelt joy for my bride,
Filling my every senses?
Has remorse not been helpful enough to me?
Can broken heartedness not find plenty mercy?
Your love says it all – faithfully each day.
Your love for me – is my Father on display.
Still I can't seem to reach out inside of me.
Emptiness you in my eyes must then see.
I can be so frustrated that I then fail.
So easily I run this way of the rail.
Blindly hurting your love for me.
Even bringing you much misery.
The pit is just so deep from that point of view.
My own self can make me spew.
Yet how can I change who I am in me?
Without the mental strength to obtain victory?
I am but a captive of my own unfaithful life.
Down trodden by my own inner strife.
And utter uselessness when I'm like this..
I seek after stability in which I can fail.
So like you I can stay on the trail.
I love to hurt your deepest pain.
Rejoice together in your smallest gain.
God's peace in you to touch.
When for me it has become to much.
I like to suffer your failures and your downs.
I love your smiles so please give me your frowns.
Your needs my own to be.
So your heart can help to set us free.
The man to take his woman's hand.
So she can help him up to stand.
Walking together in God's grace.
Until the end of this mortal phase
You…. JUST YOU and ONLY YOU to be.
With me right beside for all to see.
God's grace and favour.
