Christian Chat

@heartathome Your poem is giving words to the 'silent scream' all victims of abuse go through. What a battle it can be to forgive hey? And then to forgive from the heart! i have really struggled there as well, and i think any victim of abuse does. And so understandable!

To be crucified with Jesus like that is no fun is it?

Yet i have learned that to be on Jesus' side about this, worked very much better for my inner healing, than this unholy fire/rage that wanted to make those who wronged me pay for what they did. Now i understand that the very evil that hurt me so badly will also end up hurting them. This realisation is what made me able to forgive them. For their evil took me to hell and back for years! And i know it will them too if it hasn't already.

That is a great poem @heartathome.

I understand about forgiveness being for you.

I have to repeatedly forgive my ex friend for the trauma she caused me. I pray for God to remove my heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26) regarding this person because there are days I want her to truly suffer like she made me suffer.

She was a Christian as well so I feel doubly bad about wishing ill on her.

Are you able to more easily give hurt to God now?

I find it easier the older I get and the softer my heart is/the nearer I draw to God.

Thank you for sharing your work with us, I appreciate it especially 🙏 🥰❤️

Thank you @DownMoreThanUp. Forgiveness has been one the hardest thing I've struggled with! I may not have done what he did but I've hurt many people that have been through my life, especially back then. I was full of rage! I can now leave it with God. I know this site is strength based and not trauma based, and I need to be careful not to trigger anyone with what I write! It doesn't affect me like it did 30 years ago, thanks to God, my psychiatrist, friends, strangers and church. I can talk about it openly now, following intensive therapy for many years. I wanted to forgive like Jesus has forgiven me!

@ENKELI @Appleblossom @Shaz51 @REDLINEZ750

@heartathome You sure echo my feelings here as well!

" thanks to God, my psychiatrist, friends, strangers and church. I can talk about it openly now, following intensive therapy for many years. I wanted to forgive like Jesus has forgiven me! "

Thanks so much for that encouragement, @ENKELI ! I know you're pretty quiet on here, so I really appreciate it! I struggle with my relationship with God. I'm stubborn and rebellious and like to have control! I don't like being told what to do and I have trouble trusting. I'm getting out of my comfort zone because I'm posting stuff I haven't shown many people. Now Australia can see it! It's hard for me to be so vulnerable! I don't read the bible much but talk to God throughout the day. I do read one verse a day through an app and go to a bible study weekly. I find I keep taking my hurts back from God. I have to keep giving them back to Him. It hasn't been a one-time prayer for me. I like being older and more relaxed. My heart has really softened over the last 30 years because of God, age and the people around me.

Thanks for sharing that @DownMoreThanUp How could I not forgive others when God has forgiven me so much! It took many years of struggling with it before I could forgive someone who took so much from me. I love Jesus and all that He portrays! 🙃

@heartathome

"I love Jesus and all that He portrays! 🙃"

This means we are family forever!🎉

Jesus taught me to read the bible spiritually (1 cor 2,) and no longer literally. Unbelievable what an awesome book The Bible becomes when The Spirit speaks it inside our hearts, and not as religion has taught me to understand His Word.

All of the Bible becomes a spiritual story inside our own lives when we read the bible through the spirit of Jesus. For then we heed His word inside our hearts as they were meant to be listen to then His Word is always for us dwelling within. For when we heed the Spirit of Truth, God's love rules our hearts, and i know that God's love/goodness is what EVERYONE down here craves after religion has kept away from us teaching the word of God as they have so often done. For example I love Psalm 119 and the books of Proverbs now, as well as the fact Jesus died for our sins not the way (i thought) our Heavenly Father did that, before i learned to read The bible spiritually, i thought some out of touch do gooder wrote Psalm 119 and Proverbs and God was cruel demanding the death of an innocent loving man, to pay for the evildoers down here.

Then i met the crucified God in my life and my big I changed forever to small i thinking like that.😀

Zion Descending

At first I heard Dad say,
"Son let us make tracks,
its near getting dark now,
the chosen are all asleep,
now would be best,
as darkness reigns its peak,
for arrogance has him blinded,
to what is really going on."

I saw the sunlight darkened,
the moon turn to blood,
and the stars falling from Heaven.
I felt everything shaking in its boots.
I heard about wars and rumours of wars.
I experienced famine and drought,
grand scale living in wantonness,
rulers making a living out of sin,
Satan's forces installed everywhere,
loveless forces ruling untruthfully.

I heard my inner world crying out in her dying pain,
"What is going on?
The Father is leaving us without the Son,
this can only evil mean."
I heard the angels blow the trumpets!
"Woe to the inhabitants of this soul!"

I heard the agonising cries,
coming from underneath the altar,
the dead in God's love, longingly,
awaiting newness of life!
"Yes, oh Lord, pour out their blood as they did ours!"

I heard the thunders rolling throughout my being,
"Let evil brood fear The Truth of God almighty!
Let judgement begin in The House of God!"

I knew judgement had already began,
when I beheld those massive hails stones,
tumbling down on the heads of the wicked.
I watched my enemies flee in terror!
Scorpion stings burning wrong,
horse hooves kicking up dirt,
truthfulness uncovering shame,
honesty baring nakedness,
the dung of the earth warring,
lies sores causing agony,
pestilence threatening,
as grasshoppers devoured,
my enemies food and good life!

It was fascinating to see,
how weak those are...,
.....so strong in lies!

Yes, honest!
Loving truth is like that!
The freedom to be,
true to yourself,
both in good and bad,
in His love to be.

Oh the release of faith!
Heart rendering awe!
Shouts of glorious praise!
Jumping joy - pure ecstasy!
Glorying in God almighty,
my life's tormentors died,
perishing one after the other.

Seeing Jesus on His white horse,
a blazing sword coming out of His mouth,
His all conquering loving truth
my inner world of being to reap.
Casting dead what is so good to have gone,
raising alive that which I had lost,
bringing new life at each dawn,
His kingdom ruling my world of being,
His presence bringing rest and peace.

Time and again He comes past like this,
(terrorising the wicked agonising their mates demise,)
as all His wheels turn into place.
The Word alive in heavenly love.
Costly gifts descending from above.
beholding the temple of the most high,
the truth of His love Himself my Zion.

I'm sorry @DownMoreThanUp I really don't want to get that far into religion or spirit led talks. I was in a Pentecostal cult for two years and now want to keep it very simple!

@DownMoreThanUp @heartathome @ENKELI @Appleblossom @Shaz51

Um......sorry. I'm very sorry . ATM this is not.

@heartathome Both poems are very touching, personal and open. i resonate a lot with the words. i lived my life felt so often like you describe in the first three verses of your first poem, that the tears welled up in my eyes reading your description of going through that hell as well.

Jesus has also been visiting me a my childhood trauma and confusion, especially lately. For when we loose our child we lose ourselves of old i found out ot be true. And i certainly lost my child a child. This is sad as, for i also cried many tears for me, as my child, locked up inside, underneath all that trauma and dissociation. Yet Jesus is slowly lifting the fog and has me finding myself a traumatised child back, every day a little more He places me back into my daily reality healed instead of broken as been

i hear you when you say you have triggers when it comes to what you term Pentecostalism. For me it was Protestantism as taught by a very conservative reformed stream of thinking. i also still have many triggers, hearing any kind of theological thinking like they taught me. Though i feel more and more Jesus has me break free from the things that made my life hell believing in God, His Word, and Church in relation to myself, even as they had taught me to think of myself.

So happy to see your faith in Jesus has survived all this. God is good!