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Falling apart

dands26Senior Contributor29 Nov 2017, 4:24 pm AEDT

Falling apart

I have just discovered this forum and am hoping that i can find some people who have simillar experiences as myself.

4 weeks ago my then partner decided to end our relationship, he suffers PTSD which has turned into somewhat chronic depression.

He asked that i remain his friend as he feels as though if i didnt he would have no body.

I am upholding his request and trying to support him the best that i can. He has not done anything to hurt me in anyway and he believes that ending the relationship is better for me then me continuing to live alongside him and his depression. He feels he is not worthy of somebody doing that.

He has expressed alot more since we have seperated about his feelings towards different things that have happened throughout his life and i guess as such contributed to how he feels today.

Taking out the relationship and looking at this as even just a friend, sometimes it is very difficult. I dont know what to say or do to some of the feelings he tells me.

I am new to this forum its my first post. I am unsure how much information to give, but i am hoping there is somebody out there who has some words of support or wisdom for me.

Thanks in advance

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In response to: Falling apart

dands26Senior Contributor04 Dec 2017, 9:52 pm AEDT

Re: Falling apart

My mr.s has been going on for 25years.
This is the first time he has fully accepted treatment.
Previously he would only do a couple of therapy sessions and give up.
Now hes willing to try medication.
I hope therapy is helping.
I know as a career it has been amazing for me. Some days i dont know if i would have the strength to continue without it.

In response to: Re: Falling apart

Shaz51Senior Contributor04 Dec 2017, 9:58 pm AEDT

Re: Falling apart

Hello @dands26, @Faith-and-Hope

My mr Shaz has had soo many diagnosis over the years

In response to: Falling apart

dands26Senior Contributor04 Dec 2017, 10:01 pm AEDT

Re: Falling apart

My mr started as ptsd then depression.
I believe its probably both. There are characteristics of both present.
However with such a long period of time with no treatment i do believe its at the chronic stage

In response to: Re: Falling apart

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor04 Dec 2017, 10:01 pm AEDT

Re: Falling apart

I sought help for myself as a carer a couple of years ago @dands26 .... and it was good just to be able to tell someone and have them understand what was going on for us ...... but what has really helped me to hold it all together, besides my faith which is foundational to who I am .... has been these forums.

Its so good to know that we are not alone ..... ❣️

In response to: Re: Falling apart

Shaz51Senior Contributor04 Dec 2017, 10:03 pm AEDT

Re: Falling apart

I sought help for myself as a carer a couple of years ago @dands26 .... I should do that too @Faith-and-Hope xx

In response to: Falling apart

dands26Senior Contributor04 Dec 2017, 10:03 pm AEDT

Re: Falling apart

These forums are fantastic.
My friends dont understand which makes it very hard sometimes.
I feel isolated at times of need because it isually ends in a defensive conversation.
They just dont see the whole picture sometimes.

In response to: Re: Falling apart

dands26Senior Contributor07 Dec 2017, 1:26 pm AEDT

Re: Falling apart

@Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @PeppiPatty

How is everybody today?

I am very happy with our situation with mr today.

He has made a huge decision which is fantastic.

He asks that i dont leave him now, he really needs me.

But we are both much happier today then we were at the start of the week.

Just finished picnic prepping for our dinner tonight.

Made sure i included some of his favourite things.

I dont know if anyone is familliar with the love languages by gary chapman?

My Mr.s love language is act of service, so it makes him feel fantastic that i have gone to the effort to prepare multiple little dishes and some of them being his faves.

What is everybodys love language?

In response to: Falling apart

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor07 Dec 2017, 2:37 pm AEDT

Re: Falling apart

That's lovely @dands26 ......

Our love language at the moment is being polite to each other, not much more unfortunately. That's why we are in counselling, and it probably won't shift from there until we get some resolutions.

Our live language used to be taking care of each other, working together to achieve our outcomes, and taking time-out for us. Hoping we can get back there.

In response to: Re: Falling apart

dands26Senior Contributor07 Dec 2017, 4:01 pm AEDT

Re: Falling apart

I hope you can get there @Faith-and-Hope,

being polite to each other is a great first step.

Gary Chapman believes that we all have a primary love language,

- Acts of service

- Words of affirmation

- Receiving Gifts

- Quality Time

- Physical touch

He believes that in all our relationships be intimate or otherwise we seek others to speak our language.

If our language isnt spoken to us our love tank emptys and on the reversal when our language is spoken to shown to us our love tank fills.

He believes that sometimes (not always) if we learn to speak one anothers love language we can refill our tanks and when our tanks filled we then feel love more.

My mr.s language is acts of service and mine is quality time.

We believe that we werent speaking each others love language correctly and that contributed to the breakdown of our intimate relationship.

My mr being an introvert and also with his depression struggled with speaking quality time as in hand with that comes quality conversation. He would want to just sit at home and do nothing where i craved doing things together that gave each other undevided attention.

His was act of service, i worked such a high demand job that i would do what i needed to housekeeping cooking extra but sometimes i was too tired to do any extra and thats what he craved.

In response to: Re: Falling apart

Shaz51Senior Contributor07 Dec 2017, 4:27 pm AEDT

Re: Falling apart

I hope you can get there too @Faith-and-Hope,

My mr being an introvert too @dands26

and I find even just sitting next to him holding each other`s hand while watching tv is good for him

what Gary Chapman believes is very interesting @dands26 and also remember to include self care for you too

I am still learning to get the right balance now and then

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