When food replaces love...

A quick reply @Owlunar as I'm struggling with the onset of a migraine.

It's nice to get to know you better through posts like this. I agree...not eating and emotional eating are two sides of the same coin.

It's about habitual behaviour caused through toxic parenting. The silent treatment? I wish! I couldn't shut my mum up. I shoved my anger down with food; the stuff that made me feel better - appealing to my sugar sensitive receptors.

I do wish I could continue with you, but I really havve to go...

Not doing so well. Talk again soon..

Hope xo

PS...like your font 🙂

Hi @Hope4me

We can get to know each other over time - usually there is always time -

There are still foods I won't eat after all this time - I detest mashed potato - most kinds of potatoes really - it seems in my memory that we only had mash potatoes and peas with our chops or sausages - roast dinner on Saturday night was better but yeah - both kinds of mothering are abuse and it can take decades to get away from either - I am okay now

I am going into hospital for a knee arthroscopy on Tuesday morning and staying overnight because I am getting on in years and live on my own - my daughter has arranged with her boss to be a little late on Tuesday and she has Wednesdays off so she is picking me up from hospital and bringing me home and will stay for a while - so I have to tidy things a bit myself

My mother was so tight-lipped and never wanted to discuss things - she did not want to be upset - the most important of subjects was never discussed - her silence was awful and I think if other people in the family would have made her put up with being "upset" she might have learned to be a nicer person - still that is in the past now

We need a licence for so many things - even to go fishing etc - when I was young we needed to have a licence to have a radio - but a woman can have children whenever they occur - no permisson from the Government Required -

If you read back through the pages in people's threads - that is if you want to - a lot of us had or have mother issues - for me it was an eye-opener -

Chat soon -

Dec

I hope your migraine eases off - they have to be among the worst kind of headaches

Hi again @Owlunar;

Thankyou for your post. I hope all goes well with your arthoroscopy; I had one in the late 90's and it changed my life for the better. It lasted 13 yrs before anymore surgery was needed.

In a way, your mum's silence resembles my mum's rantings. Even though she never stopped complaining, yelling/screaming or throwing things, she didn't really say anything of value. Not to me anyway. She says stuff now, but her insensitivity has no bounds. Whew!

I've just written on @Sahara thread about the use and misuse of food in our lives. She posted a very painful rendition of her relationship with food. It was heart wrenching for me to read.

When we're little, it doesn't take much to make us feel wanted and loved. Yet, for some mums and dads, that seems to be a far cry from the truth. I did what I could to pass my love onto my child. We made an aggreement when he was 6 to never leave without saying "I love you". He's mid 20's now and we still say it religeously.

Part of my complex PTSD is using food to shove down feelings that weren't accepted as normal or addressed at all. I was punished for expressing an opinion or especially anger. It was my most difficult emotion to come to terms with as I had so much bottled up.

I'm learning to speak up even though I'm still punished, not by parents because I speak my peace positively with them. I'm talking about authority figures that are threatened by my disclosures. I end up being bullied.

It seems you may have transfered some of your aggression etc into the food you were forced to eat. Mashed potato eh? One of my loving comfort foods. How angry you must be deep down with your mum, from never feeling able to confront issues with her or hear her words of, well, anything.

Have you ever done therapy where you say what you would've said if you had the chance? I wrote a letter once and the anger I felt could've created enough energy to supply my home for a month. lol

Anyway, best go. It's after 3am and I have a visitor for lunch. Take care..

Hope xo

Dear @ Hope4Me I too find that food controls me and I an envious of those people who can just have a snack or sit down to a normal meal. I have periods when I just can't stop eating - I go through everything in the fridge and more. I am not even hungry - I just have this compulsion to keep eating. Now that the weather is getting warmer I pulled out my summer clothes to try them on.. I was devastated at all the bulges and the way my dresses stretch across my backside. This can't be me! Inside I am slim and active, and it is hard to face the fact that I am overweight and inactive.

I have read the replies to your post and there are some great ideas there I will try myself. I am just writing this to let you know that you are not alone. I know exactly what you are talking about, and I know that there is Hope4You.

Ellu