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When food replaces love...

When food replaces love...

I swore to only post upbeat banter or interesting stuff on this site when I joined and have done well to date. At least for the times I've been able to be here that is.

However this morning when I woke, my health and how I've come to be in the position I'm in flooded my thoughts and then deeply hurtful tears followed.

Physically, I feel trapped in a body that's tired, overweight and unhealthy. Psychologically, I feel trapped in a cycle of addiction - to food; my feel-good and nutritionally void drug of choice.

I've delved into this issue a multitude of times over my adult life, none more important though as my present circumstances which threatens my future and quality of life.

Through my journey, I've uncovered many reasons for my addiction, then getting to the core of why it exists. As a concept I call it - replacing love with food.

Insight is of course valuable, but what to do about it remains a constant struggle. I've done yo-yo dieting with some very successful results I might add. But when close relationships fail, my broken heart yearns yet again to be filled.

It all began in infancy when I was very ill and nearly died. I was placed in seclusion on constant watch, only touched while being bathed, changed or bottle fed. (It was the 50's) I was there for many weeks suffering with pain, fever and an unknown future.

When I finally went home, my diet consisted of high calorie food supplements (like arraroot in my bottle) to ensure I gained weight. "A fat baby's a happy baby!" As time went on, if I cried, family gave me lollies or treats to keep me happy and content fearing I'd get sick again.

Food became love, nurturing and my companion when I was alone. I never learned to self sooth in a functional way.

When I'm in a relationship, I lose weight easily. I'm motivated, happy and content to eat balanced meals and spend time being active and social. But when love's threatened or lost, I turn to my replacement medication...food.

How do you teach an old dog new tricks?

It's such an innate and powerful urge. As I've said, I know 'why' I behave this way, I just can't find a way out living alone with a MI. There aren't any detox or rehab units for people like me.

So that's my story; feeling trapped, vulnerable and stalled in a cycle of self abuse.

I needed to write this.

Hope xo

35 replies

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In response to: When food replaces love...

Re: When food replaces love...

P.S.
I know someone working in the A&OD field. I may give them a call later to discuss anxiety symptoms actually being cravings. xo

In response to: When food replaces love...

Re: When food replaces love...

@Hope4me I am super excited to hear how positive you are sounding. As I said before, I personally am not much use in this area, so I am super glad to see that some other wise forumites are able to help you out. And yes, I can totally understand why you would be envious of my metabolism. It makes me super cranky whenever I hear anyone making judgemental and uninformed comments about people who struggle with weight issues because I know that it is simply a quirk of genetics that means I don't have such issues.

Even though I don't know much about this area, I will be super happy to act as a cheer squad for you, @Sahara and any others who want to work together here in Forum Land on this muddle.

In response to: Re: When food replaces love...

Re: When food replaces love...

Hi @Phoenix_Rising,

I'm so glad you're in this mix of opinions and insights. It's really important to have comments from those looking from the outside of addictive behaviour surrounding food.

I've posted on @Sahara new thread 'Your feelings about use and 'misuse' of food in your life' re anxiety, sugar, addictive behaviour and childhood programming. This thread of mine talks about food being a replacement for 'love' in whatever context that is to each person.

Being loved when I was little, meant being physically hugged, or emotionally/mentally hugged by those I looked up to. Probably one of the most important things was being heard, acknowledged and validated by my parents.

When I felt invisible or not heard, I became extremely down thinking there was something wrong with me. Little people don't know how to conceptualise that treatment and tend to self blame. I guess the term; 'being a bad girl' comes to mind. This thought bought on consequences and then fear, fear, fear.

Living on addrenaline (fight/flight/freeze) as I did growing up was hard slog, so food became a form of self soothing/nurturing. It's no wonder I feel a sense of love or protection when I eat 'naughty' foods.

So combatting this habitual behaviour and belief system, is vertually challenging my whole sense of being; something I've created to feel normal instead of always bad.

This may not make sense to you, but to those who've had similar upbringings and turning to food for comfort, it'll resonate I think. I've really needed to talk about this stuff.

@Sahara, @Shaz51, @TAB, @Faith-and-Hope

Hope xo

In response to: When food replaces love...

Re: When food replaces love...

When I'm feeling bad I don't eat well. When I'm feeling good I don't eat well @hopeforme .. I used to, and I do sometimes still. Just got to get a routine going here

In response to: Re: When food replaces love...

Re: When food replaces love...

Hey @TAB,

Routines are so important, I agree. Not one of my stronger suits though coming from a childhood/adulthood of chaos and random events. I struggle to stay focused and on-point with daily routines.

In response to: When food replaces love...

Re: When food replaces love...

Same @hopeforme anyway am try not to overthink or punish myself today. Just making to to end of day and bed is my 'goal' today 😀 added extras are wknd papers or a walk if I get there. Tomorrow's another Day 😀

In response to: Re: When food replaces love...

Re: When food replaces love...

Hey @TAB, nice attitude for a rainy weekend. My best..

In response to: Re: When food replaces love...

Re: When food replaces love...

umm storm coming again was one yest afternoon after close to 40deg lol @Hope4me

In response to: Re: When food replaces love...

Re: When food replaces love...

I was hoping to speak with my friend who works in an AOD rehab unit last night but she didn't call. I'm disappointed..

Being a home-body, I rarely venture out for anything except essentials, appt's or a visit with my mum. On Friday I had to take my pooch for grooming then instead of going home and waiting, I went to my nieces place for coffee. My sister turned up and made it a really pleasant morning.

My home's tugging at me today to give it some TLC; it really needs some. It reminds me of how I feel inside sometimes. So I might log off and give some love to me and my house in the form of 'doing'.

Peace be with you all...

@Sahara @Phoenix_Rising @Faith-and-Hope @TAB @Owlunar @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Former-Member @Zoe7 @Appleblossom

Eating healthy today to love myself in a healthy way...stay tuned for the outcome

Hope xo

In response to: Re: When food replaces love...

Re: When food replaces love...

Hi @Hope4me

I love it that you have your own choice of fonts - I have decided to do the same - it's good idea to be in unique patterns of behaviour at times

My mother used the silent treatment as punishment and it did not stop with childhood - it only stopped when she died and now I guess she will never get out of that habit - but I do understand what you mean - I had my dinner plate banged hard on the table in front of me when I was in the bad-books - oh wow - I often had no idea what I had done - and all the peas would jump off my plate and bounce around on the table cloth and I would gather them up and eat them slowly - feeling sorry for all of them - so glad my mashed potato stuck to the plate

Anyway - this food treatment led me toward not-eating - and this can still be a problem so it's the reverse side of the same coin - and neither is good

So your house needs so TLC today - good idea - mine needs some of the same - and it is really warm in Melbourne today - I have to cool the place down a bit

Thinking of you @Hope4me - and all the best with the housework and the food-thing

Dec

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