Hi @Former-Member .....
I does sound like such a roller coaster, not only of events, but all the emotional turmoil along with it.
When I joined the forums it was through the Carers side. Our life took this unexpected turn which has thrown us into the realm of mi .... but carers are part and parcel of the equation when family members are affected ..... it becomes about everybody ..... and it’s nobody’s fault .... it just is .....
Prior to this unexpected turn which showcased the presence of an mi though, we had years of circumstantial turmoil which I am coming to understand was always a part of this ..... we already had something of it present which caused roller coaster after roller coaster ..... so there is something;I can tell you about roller coasters .....
Grieve your current losses. Allow yourself to feel sorrow for the family member you lost. Allow yourself to feel indignant about the shabby way you were excluded from the funeral. Call a spade a spade, allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, and then put it away from you. Put it down there, and don’t carry it forward, There is enough else already in your saddlebags without adding these to the load of past hurts still to be sorted out.
Each year is different. It brings changes. It brings new opportunities, even if they are baby steps of change or changed circumstances. It won’t always be the same. If you have trauma therapy to go through, then try not to worry about future employment, and whatever other parts of the muddle that can’t be deal with yet. Defer the worry over all of that .... Park it up for the right time to worry about it, and that is not yet. The issue for now is the trauma therapy and recovering your sense of safety and stability. Everything else will unfold as it should in time.
I have been faced with the confusion of changing stories within changing circumstances, and it is hard to live with. Again, if it’s not something you can sort out in the here and now, park it up to be sorted in increments later, in its own time within the wider scope of your circumstances.
And breathe ..... take the time to ground yourself and breathe ..... because deep regular breaths help to control the fight-or-flight impulse that results in a panicked and scrambled brain fog.
I hope that helps @Former-Member .... I don’t have all the answers, but I have some of them.
