Child Loss & MH

Thanks @Former-Member 💜💜💜

Hi @Nat1, welcome to the forums, nice of you to connect here. Thank you for your condolences, even though its 6yrs anniversaries are horrible. Yes, that on top of my parents decline & behaviour by myself is too much.

Constant memories / flashbacks are hard. 2months after her 13th Birthday my girl had an unprecedented acute asthma & died within an our, in front of me & ambulance officers who had to jeep working all the way to hospital (Dr) to call it, but I knew.

Child loss is different cause theyre part of our flesh, especially mothers. Our children mean the world to us all.

Yes "God bless their little souls they are all with god and he will take care of our babies and one day we will reunite with all of our lost children I do believe that I have to because I need hope"

Nat1, your ' unbearable pain & flashbacks sound tormenting & wanting to die too... What happened to you?

I could never find a "Grief counsellor" as such, just Gen Psychologists.

Calm activities are difficult like this, I'm sitting / laying around. Can't focus. But did just eat finally, took sedative & pain pills which will make me sleep, with a movie in the background. Nobody comes here, well, rarely. Might check back later if i cant sleep.

Again, thanks, and welcome 🌷💜 😊 ♥💐

Thanks for thinking of me @Faith-and-Hope, and all the lovely images.

I haven't been able to get out of bed, not really, but trying, its so hard to find THE RIGHT THING TO DO FOR THEM WHEN THEY'RE NOT HERE ANYMORE
That 'unfinished love' they talk about I guess. I can't describe the pervasive hopelessness that's come over me, especially nobody here irl, and to not have my sis or mar think of me again, and my one remaining child 'too busy' to meet me for coffee to visit her grave. It makes me want to die, be with her even more, not here anyway. Maybe I'm punishing myself (like it feel society wants me to, and the failure of it all).

Crap, now the radio is playing Christmas carols. Why can't I be happy they ask? That's obvious.

My Like is that I am here and listening to you @Former-Member ......

Shall I transfer the images across to here if you don't want them on the decluttering thread ? I wanted to find somewhere to celebrate her life with you on this rememberance day.

I can't imagine how hard it is for you. Do you have a candle for her ? Can you fill a vase with flowers from your garden ? Make yourself busy with rememberance activity ? Turn off the radio and play some gentle music of your own Hon ..... and just be with her, moment by moment through the day. Gather a second bouquet of flowers for her grave ..... and know that we will be with you when you visit her there. She matters and so do you.

💜💐💜💐💜💐💜💐💜💐💜💐💜💐💜💐✝️

Yes please bring the images here, that would be beautiful. Mods are out to get me again. Deleted th pic progress I've made with My girls room, ba#####ds, I am so angry. Can't find said reference in guidelines. And all my words are gone. I'm sick of being told I'm irrelevant. Hate that those hurtful people here are active atm, guides, to gloat. Don't know how to handle it but sideways

my son has turned into his arrogant detached father (my x). Yesterday he tells me I've allowed the loss of my girl (his sister) become part of my identity, in a tone that really says "you're annoying me / snap out of it"

WTF how can a major life event, my only daughter! NOT be part of who I am? Just because someone dies in the flesh doesn't mean the never existed.

I'm struggling this year.

Hearing you @Former-Member ..... and I am so sorry your son is not empathising with you at the moment. He has at other times. Mine are swinging around a lot too, sometimes supportive, sometimes dismissive, sometimes bullying ......

Just sending you a hug and listening ...... 💜💐

How do you cope with x5 kidaults / baby dragons being dismissive, swinging, bullying? Maybe, hopefully not all at once and the good ones balance out the bad ones at those times. I've waited since our tension on Sunday, my son & I, and he rang me. I broke the ice yesterday with a quick hello text. He has a cold today, pushing too hard with his business I think. I asked him if his sisters birthday affects him at all? He said "no because i doesn't link her to my identity, I refuse to be the man with the dead sister" he said 😞 I don't understand. His values are so different to mine. My girl will always be part of who I am. As will he.

This week I collapsed my girls bed. This was hard - a final acceptance shell not be coming home, not in the flesh anyway. It will always be her room so a chair might do and my craft stuff - which she loved.

Thanks for listening @Faith-and-Hope, you have been so consistent in helping me through these grief waves, thank you 🙂

@Owlunar, in sympathy with your pin as mine is worse than usual. Just took strongest OTC analgesia for it. I remember what you said "wait till rge pain hits then take it" but I do wonde if prevention might be better? Not sure why my back and legs so bad this time after work, unstable weather anout, maybe that? Have you noticed emotional pain worse when emotionally drained? I think they correlate. // Sorry to hear you've been struggling lately too, especially to maintain independence with your mobility struggles, your pain etc. I'm a little jealous you still have a daughter.

My mum started being nice to me in tx msgs this week, so confusing.

Real estate just rang to say interested ?buyer coming tomorrow for a look 😨 I don't know if I can clean up in time 😞