Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

this isnt to get attention or anything like that and im writting it in the worry room so i dont get any reponses.

but my problem is

when i talk on here, it feels like no one is listening to me or talking to me.

i do have a problem in my outside life where i have no friends and have no one to talk to so i havee that slight embaressment were i do try to much

but on here it just feels like the same.

i try to interact with everyone on here and it feels like i get no where. it feels like its the same as my outside life. i dont know if its just me and the way i come across. but i try my best to be a part of this forum.

i feel really embarressed about all of this and even just writting all of this on here

i just want to be part of the forum the best i can and have friends on here who i can talk to.

like i said , im not trying to get attention, i just want to talk to people on here

Hello @Bubbles3,

I realise you didn't want a response but I wanted to send a virtual hug your way. Is that ok with you?

I'm back on the forums again after a break and will chat when I can. Things are a bit hectic-work fulltime, care for husband despite our relationship falling apart, working on my own issues with a great psychologist-but when I get a chance I like to check in to see what's happening in forum land. I've found the support here is AWESOME and when things don't work as planned in the real world, this is a place to return to to feel safe and accepted...well, that's what I've found, and missed whilst I wasn't here.

Take care.

NatalieS

I worry that I don't know when it will all stop. The last two night have been new flashbacks but they have been of a different CSA that I had not remembered until now. I worry that I can't cope with it. I worry when will all this end. I don't know how to deal with this new information and have had high anxiety all day. I feel that I am not strong enough to deal with this anymore. I worry what tonight will bring and how I will get through the night safely.

I am angry at the education system for failing my son.

I am angry at the health system for failing my son.

I am angry with his father with whom I had a friendly lunch with in town on family business. I was not false, when he insisted on telling me which station to go to in my own home town, I politely insisted, and walked away. He loves "putting it" on others, boasts about it. As an ex wife I have watched it done to many people working for his family and had it done to myself.

He is finally "acting" a tiny bit mature, but when tells me he "puts it" on my son, in a way to suggest he is doing something special, or good, I tersely move the conversation on and feel he is lucky I have not throttled him. I dont think he gets how much his attitudes over the last 30 years have made a very big mess for my son.

I am too patient. He is in his 60s so big deal. He should have some maturity by that age, not just gray hair and wrinkles.

I am sooooo angry, but will be a good girl and pop a pill, and take the next constructive bit of action necessary.

Why am I literally in tears about having to go buy groceries? I'm hungry but I'm so bad at deciding what to make and it just feels way too hard to get all the stuff I'd need. How did my brain get so broken?

I have passed my neuro-biological cancer on to my child. Our entire race is sick with it. We are supposed to die, people like me - we are supposed to be much lower on the food chain - not supposed to make it long enough to breed. But breed we do. It is ending the Human race.

I held my tongue and did not react to a very fuelled fire

then I said to myself.....I am seething

I have neither done or said anything wrong

why should I silence myself.....patterned behaviour

why should I try to keep the peace.....patterned behaviour

I am absolutely fuming

This forum is supposed to be a safe place where there is no judgement passed

Nobody is above that

the rules are the same for everyone

so I am speaking up

enough