Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

the world seems so pointless .... we are born are educated into the system have our brains and minds manipulated to think a certain way by this system which includes our parents, families and friends etc. So wht do I do I sit. I just sit. Iwant to escape like the only real thing is dying taking the giant leap forward. Everything else is an illusion of humanity. The only thing that is real is nature and death.

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I should be at home, under my blankets with my gaint teddy Charlie but I am sitting in your living room listening to you abuse me because I am making you have a shower. You where covered in your own blood and faeces but it's still all my fault. I have cleaned your unit again, your dinner is almost ready then you can go to bed. While you are sleeping I will get your groceries and pack them away then I can go home. But that doesn't matter to you, I nearly had two accidents on the way over but again who cares right. You make it plain that I am useless, I am not as good as my sister and brother and completely worthless and if no value to anyone. Thanks mum

How do you know when to turn up? Why do you know no one else is here? How you know that I am super vulnerable and unable to fight you off? As always the bruises you left tonight won't be seen as my clothes will hide them. Showered 4 times and I can still smell you. What if I reported it, what if I went to the police?

I am safe, please don't mention this anywhere else.

hi there @Former-Member

Thanks for letting us know that you are safe. I am sure we all feel for you as you struggle so courageously. If you need help off the forum please reach out to the help lines.

Thinking of you

Whitehawk

I'm sorry but I cannot leave this post alone and say nothing. Please babe you need to tell me...was this past or present?
@Former-Member

I was terminated from my Disability Support job, this morning.

No warning or indication was given.

I was still expecting to be doing my Annual Performance Review (this week).

I received a phone call from an unknown HR person (at head office).

Then a Termination Letter (via email) - stating Redundancy as the reason.

The letter simply said that my position has been abolished.

Adge

Finding it hard to breath. Feeling out of control. Feeling every bit of pain and feeling helpless. Emotions are high and I don't know what to do with all that. You are so far away and I can't handle that. I can't handle anything right now. I want to be able to speak to you I want to be able to hear your voice and tell you how much I love you and how much I care about you. I want to be able tell you just how f**king sorry I am for everything. I want to tell you just how special you are to me and that my heart is broken but I know I can't.

It is true the person chose to not share the details because they did not want to further bring pain into my life. I am trying to see this as a act of love. Protecting thing.

Today has been awful. The prison is my bedroom. He does not want to be with me at all. Does not want to hang out with me. It hurts because it feels like rejection to me. Why marry someone if you don't want to do life with them. Don't want to share the ups and the downs. Don't wish to share even the same bedroom.

So I think I will just forget totally of ever hoping that my happiness in life will be found in him.

It's like we are house mates and that's it. Maybe not even that. He hardly even is aware I exist. I am married to this man. Is this is wgst marriage is supposed to be like? I am mostly by myself here. Where is the companionship, where is the shared laughter, where is even sharing meals together in the sane house? Please, oh please some one tell me.

I cannot even get a job to help myself. As my confidence is so very low. And I may or may not have cancer. I don't even know. So that sometimes pokes it fearful head at me. Fear not is what God says.

I am trying so hard it seems, but why does he not love me Lord. Why? Am I so unlovable, a piece of dirt. Not worth knowing. Am I just so turned onto myself, so selfish. Full of self pity and feeling sorry for myself? I am sorry, all I want is just to know and experience what it feels like for my husband to love me. I do not even know what it is supposed to feel like.