Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

The pros & cons of staying or resigning my job became "paralysis by analysis" - reaching no decision & mentally going around in circles (with no end).

In the end, I wrote & emailed my resignation anyway - just to break the roadblock of indecision.

There is no plan to enact, to deal with the consequences, or to "Re-frame" a positive way forward.

I very much need to work on a plan - which may include renting out a room (or 2) of my house, to gain some small income.

I had a very constructive & positive 30 minute meeting with my Team Leader (12.30-1.00pm) this afternoon - he offered to try to limit the demands for work (client) use of my private car.

Yet there was little that he could do, as the Disability & Aged care sector now demands that employees use their own car - driving potentially 20,000 Km per year, mostly unpaid.

He offered to withhold my resignation letter, if I wished to consider it further (or change my mind) - before having it submitted.

Instead, I very sadly asked him to submit it to HR.

My Team Leader agreed with me when I said that working in the "Not for Profit" sector can be Soul-Destroying - with constant changes that we cannot adapt to, with no workers knowing where they stand (or what their rights are).

It is the system, not the people that has been causing me such intolerable stress - my employer is unable to change that system (& NDIS funding system).

My only way to "opt-out", with the aim (goal) of practicing Better Self-care - was to resign (leave).

Adge

😖🤯😏😠🤬🤬🤬😒😖😣😶:angry_face_with_horns:🕳⏹⁉️🖤🤬🤬🤬

I'm doing avoidance therapy atm. It won't work long term, but short term, it's working well.

Overload forces drastic reactions sometimes.

@Teej @Adge my support button isn't working 💜💜💜💜💜

I'm aware of my masks mostly. But it seems I've build walls around me, protection. They keep others out and me in. Then there are walls around walls.Too much fear, too much rejection, too much pain, too much of too much, which is never enough of too much.

If I wanted to knock the walls down, what then?????

My Mum passed on my contact details to the perpetrator of my childhood SA - he phoned & then emailed me, last night.

I had made it very clear to my Mum (& brothers) that I want no contact with this person, who is related.

My closest relatives repeatedly dishonour my wishes, & put my well-being at risk.

They still manage to do that, from the other side of the country (3000km away).

Adge

Its hard trying to live when your such a replaceable thing. The one thing i was ok at and now ive been replaced in that too. At least they found someone better, wouldn't be hard to do really.

I really just dont fit in anywhere. I guess im just that sort of person..
My thoughts are drowning me and i can barely breathe anymore. The mental and physical pain is so hard to bare.

One foot in front of the other seems like a hard thing to do right now but i dont think i have much choice, just have to keep doing it.

Feeling hopeless, pathetic and weak. Feel like there's no future for me. I'm not suicidal but i realise i've fallen way behind others i know in my life (neighbours, friends, schoolmates, family) and i can't stop comparing myself. Not self flaggelating, just feel defeated. My efforts in life have been for naught. Tired of going around in circles. Tired of not "getting it". Maybe i'm just lazy, selfish and self-centred. Maybe i killed a China man in a past life. Lost soul here losing energy required to connect with others on a basic level. Nothing left to do but trudge on. I get worried about the places my self defeating mind goes to. Anyway. Feel better after getting that out.