Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

On the radio I heard about new bi laws. About any individual or group negatively impacting the community. So I suppose the community means and individuals or groups that are receiving the negative influence. And it got me thinking... That certain individuals and groups which I won't name, are having a hugely negative impact of my mental and physical wellbeing. And it got me thinking... That perhaps I should be utilizing these new bi laws that are in place to protect myself from their negative influences... But am also thinking it will be a case of my thoughts and feelings against a corrupt individual or group that is stronger, has more influence and wins the case... Such as the forms of media, the system based organizations, the system funded organizations, and certain individuals and their ways, groups providing services or individuals involved or even as far as big and small businesses etc... I'm just worried that it will be a case of another individual or group (a third party / parties...) being the source of who determines if I'm needlessly under the influence of a negative influence which is putting me through adversities and having a detrimental effects on my mental and physical wellbeing and welfare...(and that it will come down to one individuals and groups against other individuals groups) too the point of it being like tyranny, dictator ship, a governing body of oppression, wrongly used and abused power of suggestion... And it getting brushed under the carpet bye a stronger force of oppression... Yet consider... If I feel and think these individuals or groups no matter who they be, are effecting me negatively, perhaps many others feel the same way?.. And maybe it is also justified and maybe something does needs to be done about it!.. For my wellbeing and for many others!... Let me know what your thoughts and feelings are on my thread 'sharing the wisdom within' thank you.

I hear you @Snowie and understand. I feel the same way at the moment.

Hugs ❤️

Totally triggered yesterday and today by so-called counsellors/psychiatrists who are supposed to listen to why I need to set up some more sessions. Got a call from a therapist who was matched to me but phoned me first on my ex- work number ( I told original case worker one of my issues was redundancy so to delete my work number from their records ) and when I told the therapist one of the issues I wished to discuss was redundancy, he apologised sheepishly.

..continued from previous post...

I told the therapist his name sounded familiar and asked if he lived locally. He replied "yes." I said I was sure my husband had been a client of his and that I was not interested in seeing him because that played a huge part of other issues (domestic violence). I then contacted one of the people who had arranged this, but she was unavailable..I hung up the phone and was triggered for the rest of the day. I walked, had a coffee and tried to keep myself busy. This morning was worse and I was in tears and rocking when I phoned a 24 hour line. It just feels like being betrayed. Don't people listen? I find it so difficult to talk to some people. Have had a walk and coffee but sometimes my mind comes back to what happened. Going to make some soup and hang out the washing. May sit out in the sun with my little dog.

Feel like I need to control my environment and everything in it. Busy in one of the spare rooms today. Just today I have filled 7 large kitchen tidy bags with things that I'm not going to use again: I have reduced the clothes in my wardrobe by probably 15% this week; same with accessories; I have one toy left; have donated three blankets to the charity shop. Yet that hasn't settled the anxiety. For some strange reason my thoughts are focused on ensuring that if anything happens to me in the near future, ie: accident or illness, all my paperwork and belongings are organised and tidy for whoever gets the job of tidying up the loose ends. Think I'm just over-tired and hyper-agitated.

Thinking about you @outlander.

Very worried about my eldest son who lives in Germany with his girlfriend. He has recently been diagnosed with Crohn's disease and now the meds are starting not to work so well. He is only 27 .... if something happened to him I don't know what I would do .... he was starting his life girlfriend, job, learning a new language .... and now Crohn's disease. He is talking about using medicinal cannibus (sounds great to me) some of the other medication sounds horrendous with the risk of blood cancer etc.

If something happened to him I could not cope.

I've spent years worrying about what people think of me, and it has come with a very toxic element of trying to please people and win the favor. Just recently my voices have concluded my beliefs of a few epiphanies in the form of quotes, which have great meaning and value behind them. 'I am a sheep, he is a wolf and my Shepard is not happy' 'don't trust in me, don't trust in anyone else, trust in God'

So many times over... I've turned to my fellow mortal man, too help solve and deal with my feelings of repentance and resentment. And it left me weak, vulnerable and susceptible to their influence, which I now realize was based around their own benefits, and had a hugely negative impact and came with detrimental adversaries, I then had to deal with, which was of no concern to them as it was serving them.

So my point being... It's important to be around other fellow beings who have faith in God, and trust their entirety in God. Because it takes the pressure off of being needy and dependant on you fellow man, (whether they act good or bad) for whatever reason, which I assume is quite often validation, reassurance and guidance… or such things like that. It's like, well I know God wants what's best for me, and I know He wants what's best for you, (you should think and believe the same thing) let's not forget our faith in the Most High and begin turning to one another, because it will lead to problems.

Even Jesus said. 'I think - I'm no quite sure' no one is good but God. Food for thought for all those in need. I hope you enjoyed reading.

So my mother is now playing stupid, petty childish games because I upset her perfect balance the other week. She is back in her/my home city in the West, and is staying with my neice, whom I have (had?) a close relationship with. She hasn't rung me since that argument, nor even today on her arrival. Yes, I know there is still time to call as the evening is early yet, but I somehow doubt she will. She normally stays with me so I know by her not doing that she is pissed off with me. If she wants to play like this she will loose more than she bargained for. She will loose me forever. So triggered and upset right now. Feel like doing some major damage to myself to say fk you. I have tried so damn hard to keep her in my life. I have walked on eggshells and kept my peace even when I haven't agreed with her. We have shared some lovely moments and memories together that much is true. But there have been big blow ups and bust ups. She lacks so much understanding of me, and to be honest, I don't know if she wants to. She completely misunderstands my MI, asked me why I had depression so long. So over this shite life sometimes. Leaving this life isn't hard to do, no more having to please people. And then she would be sorry. I kept living because I knew how devasted she would be. Now I don't know if I really if I care about that at all if she doesn't doesn't give a toss about me.

Rant over