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MaryMahemSenior Contributor
Hey,
I have not had hope of getting better for a long time. I have taken all the meds prescribed, talked and listened through numerous therapies, tried all the well-meaning advice and nothing has lifted the weight of my depression. Mindfulness, exercise and fake it till you make it do not work for me. I need something new.
What makes you have hope that things will get better? What makes you keep trying?
In response to: How do you find hope for a better life?
CattRobertsonNew Contributor
But iisn't it the only thing left in situations like these? Hope and dreams for better days to come.
In response to: How do you find hope for a better life?
MaryMahemSenior Contributor
Thanks everyone for your replies - the suggestions of things to try & to appreciate. I am trying some of these things.
Unfortunately hope has not appearred. 37 years of depression at differing levels has left me jaded & finding joy in the little things is not enough to make me want to keep trying. I'm exhausted. It really doesn't get better for some of us.
In response to: How do you find hope for a better life?
Unknown userMember
In response to: How do you find hope for a better life?
yaornaCasual Contributor
In response to: How do you find hope for a better life?
yaornaCasual Contributor
In response to: Re: How do you find hope for a better life?
SaharaSenior Contributor
Hi @MaryMahem and everyone,
after reading your posts, I'm just thinking out loud.....
Would it be a good idea to write down what you life would look like to your if you weren't depressed? I wonder would it be the same life, (except that you woke up evey day feeling 'up' instead of 'down') or would it be a different life?
I think a lot of us get trapped into lives we really don't want.... then we spend our lifetimes trying to udjust to a life that isn't really good for us. Perhaps it's not really us that is the probelm.
@MaryMahem, it would be great, if you felt like it, if you could give us an account of what you do on a day to day basis and then tell us how much you really like doing these things. Just list everything down.
Then, picture what you would prefer to be doing and then- and this is the most important thing - take the first small step towards living the life you would like to live. Make that phone call or send that email or step outside the front door.... do one new thing each week, no matter how small it is.
I am saying all this because it happened to me too- I was living a life that was designed for someone else! I was with a partner who I was not compatible with at all and I was working very long hours in a job I didn't enjoy. I also lived with a sense of feeling responsible for everyone else and a compulsive need to "care for others". None of this was bringing me any joy. In fact, my life was just a burden. I was lost in it and could not find myself.
It was not easy and it took many years, but I managed to let go of those things.... all of them. I left my partner- even though it meant being alone for a time. Eventually, I left my high-pressure career, and now I do more of the things I enjoy. I also gave up feeling responsible for other people. I just gradually stopped calling people who wanted to tell me all their problems!!! I just let them drift away.
Of the ones I couldn't let go of.... I got into the mind set of where I can say "Ok, yes, he (or she) is miserable right now, but I'm not." Even though someone I care about is miserable, I can still go out and enjoy my life and I do. It may sound harsh, but it works.
@MaryMahem, your issues may be entirely different to mine- but I am just writing some examples to show you what I mean. Let us know how you are doing. x
In response to: Re: How do you find hope for a better life?
SaharaSenior Contributor
Hi @yaorna,
how are you feeling today? Is there anything you would like to talk about?
In response to: How do you find hope for a better life?
TeejSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: How do you find hope for a better life?
SaharaSenior Contributor
@Teej, I agree with you. Aceptance is really important.
My life is different now than before I got sick with depression and anxiety. But I am glad that I didn't go back to the way I was, because the way I was wasn't working for me. If I had tried to go back.... I think I just would have just got sick again.
So I accept that I have/had this illness- which really is not so much different than having a physical illness like severe athsma or chronic arthritis or something. Most people have some burden to deal with in their lives... so really, I am in the majority and not really 'special' or anything like that. Just an ordinary person with an ordinary illness. When you look at it this way, it is easy to accept. 
Once you accept something you can start making informed decisions about what to do next....
For me, I had to make a lot of changes, like I wrote before. 
In response to: Re: How do you find hope for a better life?
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
I hadn’t really thought about acceptance being foundational to hope, but I guess it is. You sort of have to accept that things are the way they are before you can hope for them to become better than that .... otherwise, what is to concept of non-acceptance ?
Frustration ? Hostility ? Oppositionalism ? Intolerance ? Disregard ?
Are these the responses by which we identify non-acceptance ?
Interesting ......
@Teej @Sahara @MaryMahem @yaorna @Former-Member
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
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