Self Pity Party

Hi @Former-Member had a read of the forum you recommend. Bit triggering and hate reading about other people who can't work as it's my total number fear. I understand everyone has to do whats good for them and their health but that's not an option. To me it's giving up 100%.

I've decided today though I'm going to have cocktails after work and watch Sex in the City. I think alcohol this week is going to be a good friend to me as well as the pain killers. I just need that escape. Not so much from my mind but that pain depression brings.

@Former-Member
Love & Hugs!
Bella XO 🙂

Dose anyone know why depression gives physical pain? Dose anyone else feel it?

Hi @Former-Member i cant answer the why but i can say i feel the physical side of things of depression
Whats on your mind?

@outlander just really not understanding my purpose the last month or two. Feel like I'm floating and wasting time which I purely hate.

It's like my life is on pause till I get better but then I read articles about bipolar and I'm like I'm never going to get better.

Then read all the posts tonight on here and seeing everyone just crash really crashed me. It's like why don't we get a break. But then I don't want to be the why me person. You know what I mean.

And I'm just really tiered of this depression feeling. I'm feeling really isolated at the moment. I can't communicate to people. I sit alone at work. I have no friends to talk to. And I know this site is great for people to make friends but I haven't really. Like I just don't feel like I've clicked. I've been finding it good though to know I'm not alone and understand my illness better with people going through it.

I'm just lonely and sad and stuck. All the things I hate.

Definitely hearing you @Former-Member
Depression is very difficult to go through. Its one of those things where one minute we are fine the next we arent...

Its ok to be the why me person every once in a while. Theres nothing wrong with that.

Mh is a long road. Nothing is ever easy is it.

Im sorry to hear about your work... being depressed can make ourselves isolated as well and not wanting to communicate with others but rather hide away and wait the day out. Is that what its like for you too?

I can hear that your sounding pretty disheartened right now. Am i right in saying that?

Maybe a part of that is youd like to click with someone which is really valid and understandable. It can make alot of difference having someone to gell with.

They arent pleasant feelings i can truly empathise with that and are very real

@outlander I just hate it when the depression stays around for long periods of time and especially the physical pain as it's making me tiered and grumpy.

I know it's ok to be like that at times but I just don't want to be a victim of my illness if you know what I mean.

It's like a road that's never ending. I'm on a new medication and it's helping for the manic side but not depression and they want to Up it but it's making me zombie every time I go up so I'm getting fustrated with that. And I feel the doctors are like but it will stop you feeling sad and I'm like yeah but it also will stop me being a human which is as bad. Sometimes I wish the doctors could feel what it's like to have a foggy zombie head so they can be like yes you 100% don't want that.

I'm just flat as a pancake that's been ran over by a bus.

I've always have issues with communicating with people. Apparently I'm a bit strange and different and out side the box. Get told I'm unique at least once a week lol. I find it hard to make friends. My phyc said it's because I don't let people in and also easily board by people and need to get friends that challenge my brain and are creative and out side the box and that's why all my friends are older. He's got zero clue why I'm like that. He's like you are a train on two tracks. One part of you hates everyone and the other is the most caring loving person and we need to get you on one track.

It's just hard watching every one sit in the tea room at the big table laughing and I'm on the little table alone. I try talk to them but I get the weird why you talking to me face. I don't think they know how to take me. I ask the right questions like how was your weekend and then the following week I ask about the things they did to know I listens and care but nothing. Like I'm trying like my doctor wants me to. They are polite but I think they think I'm crazy. I'm the outsider. And being depressed just hurts more.

I'm struggling at work. I can't get through a day with out a lot of pain killers and toilet breaks screaming at myself I can do this. I just hope I don't start SH but the thoughts are coming.

I would love to click with someone. I got an amazing husband and we try to keep hip and relevant and not let my depression take over so we go to the latestest restaurants and bars and then I will see a group of girls all together dressed up smiling and laughing and my husband can tell my heart just breaks as I wish I was in that happy group and he gives me a big kiss and try's to bring up a funny subject.

What sort of physical pain are you getting @Former-Member

It can be very frustrating to find a balance wit medications. Have you told him that you feel like a zombie on them?
Ive heard magnesium and b12 are also good for anxiety and depression maybe you could see about taking those suppliments as well.?

Everyone is unique and strange in their own way, the world would be so boring if we were all the same. I can understand how you feel though. Its hard work trying to live a normal life when on the inside you feel dead.

Im wondering if change of jobs or to a new place would help you? Those people dont seem very nice at all and are quite rude tbh.

Im really glad your husbands supportive thats really great. Sometimes though its good to talk about how your feeling as well then go out to a cafe etc. Maybe its your hubby you click with?

Im not going anywhere though so keep chatting away. Bella is here and others too (i havent read your thread just the latest post after i seen a post on another thread?)
Here for you ❤❤❤

@outlander it's like a void pain. Like my heart has been broken all through my body. Dose that make sense. Like every part of me aches but I know it's not really physical but emotional.

Yes have screamed numerous times feeling like a zombie. I've stoped 3 other medications as I could not function in the living world on them. But they think as long as your not a harm to your self it's doing the job. But how is it doing its job if I'm not living?

No change of job out of the question. I'm to unwell to apply for a job, learn a new job and deal with new people who could be even worse. The company I work for to is really good with my mental illness and works supporting my husband and I and I'm extremely blessed for that and I'm actually good at my job and I take pride in that.

Yes husband is the best friend but you can't talk girl talk with the husband all the time. He ain't going to spend hours with me getting dolled up to hit the clubs and dance.