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Self Pity Party

Unknown userMember21 Oct 2017, 11:13 am AEDT

Self Pity Party

Is it bad we have self pity days? Like yes I got a mental illness but there are kids staving so do I have the rights to go argh life is not fair?

I'm just having one of those teary weeks. I'm feeling not right. I feel my new medication is working but my mania is coming in hard and is testing my medication and I don't think my medication is going to hold out.

Then I started thinking what if it dosent. I'm going to be sick again and not be able to work or life. Then I started thinking what will people think of me. Then I started thinking well what do people think of bipolar. So now I believe they think I'm purely crazy that's tempomental and you need to walk around egg shells on other wise they will set me off and I'll go into the loony bin. I'm just the nut in the family they discus to others when they discus the crazy person in the family to friends.

And I feel at work they know I'm sick and just think of me as weird. The strange one. I can't communicate or get in the flow with people there.

Literally thinking about quitting my job going on the dole and just become my illness. What's the point of trying to fight it I'm just crazy.

77 replies

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In response to: Self Pity Party

QueenieSenior Contributor24 Oct 2017, 9:45 pm AEDT

Re: Self Pity Party

I hear you @Former-Member about the medication. You don't want to be ill but at the same time, you want a good quality of life that this medication is taking away from you just now. I know when I first got put on antipsychotics, I was like the walking dead for months on end. You really do begin to think you'd be better off without the medications but then run the risk of becoming mentally unwell. It's a bit of a catch-22 isn't it?

Did your doctor give you any sort of indication when these side effects might subside? I know for me it took a fair while and a bit of a juggle, but now thankfully have struck the right combination for me. I hope that you find the right combo for you soon and you're feeling less zombified.

In response to: Self Pity Party

Unknown userMember24 Oct 2017, 11:05 pm AEDT

Re: Self Pity Party

Hi @Queenie im no longer on antipsychotics as I could not function on them. It was literally impossible to work. I was so off in another land. I tried numerous brands and nope.

I'm on another medication now and going on it very slow as I need to work and can't be a zombie. So I'm not at all feeling like a zombie at the moment.

I'm more like having a battle in my mind. I know I'm rapid cycling manic at the moment but the medication is trying to keep me balanced and human. It's literally a war in my head and I've never felt this before. I'm zero covered for the depression and doctors are scared to treat as they are trying to get the mania sorted before introducing antidepressants. It's like my head is screaming let's get drunk and hello credit card and my mind is like do the dishes and they are both screaming and I'm getting a head ache then the depression comes in and boom I'm a mess.

But I know if I go up on the meds I'm on I will be a zombie as I've just gone up in the last 3 weeks and I find it hard to focus and forget things so anymore hello zombie

In response to: Self Pity Party

Unknown userMember26 Oct 2017, 8:56 pm AEDT

Re: Self Pity Party

Just found out at work a girl younger then me is taking the position I wanted. She's a lovely girl but you know the type (perfect) and I'm just feeling jealous and annoyed. I wanted this position a year ago and have been working hard at it. like trust me my Bipolar mania has put me on the map as a hard worker. I got really sick mid last year and was like I need to slow down and put my goal down a few months later on the calendar eg now. But now being on a medication that makes me semi normal I know how sick I am and I don't want to take this responsibility and get ill and give myself a bad name. So I've put it down for another few months. But by doing this I feel like a loser. Im just a joke.

In response to: Re: Self Pity Party

QueenieSenior Contributor26 Oct 2017, 10:18 pm AEDT

Re: Self Pity Party

You're far from a loser @Former-Member. You are putting yourself first and taking responsibility for your health too. That is something which is admirable. I know it can be frustrating at times balancing a successful career with a mental illness and along the way you may see others getting promoted ahead of you. It must be very annoying, especially if you have been a great worker for some time.

Hang in there and be kind to yourself.

In response to: Self Pity Party

Unknown userMember27 Oct 2017, 9:09 am AEDT

Re: Self Pity Party

Thank you @Queenie it's just a major blow. And I promised myself at a younger age I would never be in this work position only if I was higher up but nope I'm everywhere I don't want to be. Kicking butt at the job but can't move forward nor backwards. Just another fun thing to add on to feeling like a failure and that i am the Bipolar. Because let's face it it's controlling me at the moment.

In response to: Self Pity Party

Unknown userMember28 Oct 2017, 6:57 pm AEDT

Re: Self Pity Party

One of those days at work where everyone decided to make fun of mental health and described everyone costumer as a crazy person with bipolar. Can I curl up in a ball and cry.

In response to: Re: Self Pity Party

QueenieSenior Contributor28 Oct 2017, 9:09 pm AEDT

Re: Self Pity Party

That's incredibly insensitive of your colleagues to make such comments @Former-Member. It awful how heavily stigmatised mental illness is. I am sorry this has happened to you.

In response to: Self Pity Party

Unknown userMember28 Oct 2017, 9:26 pm AEDT

Re: Self Pity Party

The dumbest part is that yesterday in the tea room the put out forms about information about mental illnes @Queenie.

My partner is like you should just tell them but I'm like these people are all not my friends and some may be not nice people and I don't want to share my personal issues with them. My 2 bosses know and that's enough.

In response to: Re: Self Pity Party

QueenieSenior Contributor28 Oct 2017, 9:33 pm AEDT

Re: Self Pity Party

I can understand you not wanting them to know. I made the mistake of letting it out in the open about my mental health and well, I was forced to resign from a job I loved. It still sucks that your colleagues are so poorly educated regarding mental health.

In response to: Self Pity Party

Unknown userMember28 Oct 2017, 9:53 pm AEDT

Re: Self Pity Party

I just think in general people don't really have sympathy or heart. Well a lot do but I'm not risking my health on finding out. That is rubish they forced you to resign! Is that even legal? Hopefully your doing something else you love with better people.

I've come to the conclusion most of the World is uneducated when it comes to mental illness and most will stay like that due to stigma and stupidity.

Just hurts though as it's a place I spend all my week and try be my best. It's a full blown battle to work full time and it's vein but I'm proud when I get through a week but to have people trying to get you into discussion making jokes on an illness you have makes me not feel good being there.

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