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EvangelineSenior Contributor
I am so over feeling like shit. As soon as I start feeling a tiny morsel of normality, everything falls to shit again. I can't catch a break. People keep telling me that It will make me more resilient but I don't give a fuck about being resilient. I'm over it.
In response to: Talking here because I don't know where else to go...
EvangelineSenior Contributor
Thank you @Sans911 and @outlander for your support. I really appreciate it.
Yes, @Sans911 - I often consider my high level of insight to be a hinderance... Of course, it has its benefits, in that I understand why I feel things, what the root causes are, and why other people treat me the way they do. I sometimes think it would be easier just not to understand. I suppose that would make other people's lives harder though - It's hard to be around someone who lacks insight, especially when everything seems so clear with a different perspective.
My current frustration is that over the last 6 months (in this time I was diagnosed with BPD amongst several other co-existing MH conditions), my very strong support network has broken down to nothingness. I had very close friends who I relied far too heavily on, and they experienced the full brunt of my BPD behaviors. I wasn't aware of what I was doing at that point, but I really hurt people. People who I never wanted to hurt, people who I thought would be by my side forever. Of course, they were overwhelmed, so they left.... Such a heartbreaking reality check for me... I know I will not make the mistake of shovelling my burdens onto friends again... but now I fear showing vulnerability to anyone. The only people I am really honest with now are my psychologist and my sister. It makes me feel incredibly lonely. And it's hard to sit in the discomfort of knowing you've upset people you loved and not being able to do or say anything to change that. They do not speak to me anymore, and when they do, I feel such a myriad of emotions. I feel guilty and apologetic for making mistakes, yet also incredibly hurt and betrayed.... The issue is that I'm the one with the MH issue, which in their eyes puts me in the wrong...
I feel like such a mess.
In response to: Talking here because I don't know where else to go...
outlanderSenior Contributor
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outlanderSenior Contributor
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outlanderSenior Contributor
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MDTSenior Contributor
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Sans911Senior Contributor
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EvangelineSenior Contributor
Hi everyone,
Sorry it's taken me a while to reply everyone.
Yes @outlander, I often have trouble distinguishing between bpd behaviours and behaviours that are normal. I suppose that will take time... I guess I'm still learning about how bpd affects what I do.
Hi @Sans911, I hope you're doing okay! Please let me know if you would like to talk. I would love to be able to support you just as you have supported me.
In response to: Re: Talking here because I don't know where else to go...
outlanderSenior Contributor
no worries @Evangeline the posts arent going anywhere 🙂
i still have the same trouble. im still pretty new to it all being only diagnosed with it this yr. we can learn together 🙂
the DBT thread might help you out though that Sans has suggested but thats totally up to you 🙂
i heard your going overseas in 2 weeks, how exciting is that! how long are you going for?
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
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