The Challenges of Mental Health Wellbeing

You are so good to your Mum @Sans911 and I am so pleased she sounds a bit better today. Don't wear yourself out tomorrow Hon and drive carefully with the the car loaded up,

I have slept on and off all day so have not got much done. I can't shake feeling unwell but have managed to eat tonight. Tobes has been keeping me company all day so I have had lots of snuggles. He is spread out on the doona sound asleep now and I may try to join him soon. Trying not to get stressed about everything I haven't done today with the hope I am feeling better tomorrow and can get most of it done.

Happy to keep you company for a while @Sans911 - have I told you today how wonderful it is to have you back with us

oh dear @Sans911 tears here right now Hon The feeling is very much reciprocated - in so many ways. It is those that I care so much about including you that have kept me here the past few weeks. It is getting easier but there is still a very real sense of disconnect and a general 'edge' that I honestly cannot see changing quickly here. But in saying that it is only us here that can change that too Hon and I see you as very much a part of that. Given our time here, our experiences, our connections and our own strength, we can be the catalyst for change in a positive way. It is not simply about supporting people but building up each other to help empower them to also makie changes for themselves. Together we are stronger Hon so lets bring that back to the forum and rebuild this community to what we know it can be.

I do understand everything you have just said @Sans911 and agree with so much of it. It is not just the expansion of the forums but the divisions that have been created here over time. The 'feel' has changed so much and much of that is down to the changes implemented as well as the 'politics' involved. It used to feel like a community where everyone was connected in some way and we all looked out for each other - that has certainly changed - and it is not just a member based issue. I also feel there is a lot of enabling that goes on and that is not healthy for anyone. We can support people in so many ways but ultimately people have to want to help themselves. Yes we all need to find our own path - and everyone does that in their own way and own time - but I feel we are seeing way more people in distress and/or in crisis and that is wearing on us all at times.

On a more personal note - I totally get you wanting to stay close to those you are most connected with and not venture too much further. I think we have both seen lately how quickly a thread/member can turn and make it uncomfortable for those engaging there but stepping away has worked for me more and more. I also do not read as widely as I used to nor do I answer every tag with more than a support (and sometimes not even that if the content is too much). I have also had to move away from some threads for my own well being - whether that be because of the content or the interactions happening. It is hard at times though because people need support that is not always forthcoming and that is where there are failings in what we currently see.

I don't think you should feel sad about sticking to what you know and feel comfortable with Hon - we both have our 'people' here that we are close to and we have a right to keep supporting them and reciving support from them as well. Venturing out further may come but don't beat yourself up if that is not what you are comfortable with at present. The forum is so big now that we cannot possibly 'do' what we used to and although that is a shame it is the reality. We need to find our feet where we feel comfortable and let the rest be up to others ...and hope that others do step in and find their place also.

Again Hon I agree with you - especially in regards to new members. It is hard for them to take in the guidelines when they are needing support and encouragement to open up, let others in and help them. The dilemma here is how do we keep it a safe space for everyone - both longer term and new members and still allow for that connectivity and freedom to talk. One of my 'passions' here is looking after the longer term members as we are the ones that have built up, sustained and moulded the forum in so many ways. I know there is such an emphasis on new members but without the basis of the community being looked after how can that experience be used to help new members. ...and sometimes I feel new members are given 'lip service' - welcomed and then left to their own devices with no backup nor 'mentoring' or ongoing connections. We must lose more new members per week than we actually see around the forum and that is devastating if I think about it for too long because those people have quite obviously come here for support and to think this is yet another place that they may be let down or ignored is heartbreaking. As peers we can only do so much from our own experiences and sadly that often leaves gaps in what we can achieve here.

I understand that guilt of having to leave a conversation/thread or member when it is too much for us ourselves but one thing I have learnt is that it is only by looking after myself first that I can actually give to others - it used to be the opposite for me - if I was giving to others then I felt better about myself but that often lead me down the dark path also. Balance is important as is knowing when to step away. We cannot be everything to everyone but there are also times that I feel others should step in - this is a hard one though as no-one should be forced to support anyone but we need systems in place to make sure everyone gets that support.

You are the number one priority Hon - and you can only do what feels right for you. You certainly have enough going on in your life to re-evaluate your role here and determine what you are comfortable with. What I can say is that wherever you post, whatever support you give and to who it is always honest, compassionate and real - and they are just 3 of the things I admire about you. You do not take a back step when intervention is needed nor do you hold back when you have an opinion - and people listen because you talk from experience, knowledge and wisdom. I do not think you know just how much those things - and you - are respected here ...and not just by me.

As for being 'normal' and having a 'normal' life - it is in the eye of the beholder. I feel that my life falls into the 'normal' category in so many ways - I just live with a mental illness also. There does not have to be a distinction between the two - everyone in this world is living with some kind of 'issue' and we never know what another is dealing with - it is how we approach each other and the world that matters - with respect, with dignity and with compassion. And yes our physical wellbeing is so closely related to our mental wellbeing - and some of us live with massive issues with both - but that does not define us for what we live with is not who we are - who we are as individuals is important, is valued and matters - and everyone has the right to feel those things and be accepted in this world as being equal.