MDTSenior Contributor
what a horrible day
can't take this anymore... i need help!
@outlander@Sans911@Former-Member@Shaz51@soul
idk who else to tag..
help me please 😞
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what a horrible day
498 replies
In response to: what a horrible day
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: what a horrible day
Im glad it helped you @MDT i hope you can bring your psych appt forward
In response to: Re: what a horrible day
MDTSenior Contributor
Re: what a horrible day
Thanks @outlander
In the space of a single day i am all over the place..
I just cant handle it..
In the space of a single day i am all over the place..
I just cant handle it..
In response to: what a horrible day
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: what a horrible day
Hearing you @MDT jay95 and zoe7 are talking on the under 30s thread about feeling super slow too if you feel like joining in
In response to: Re: what a horrible day
MDTSenior Contributor
Re: what a horrible day
Hope you are okay @outlander
In response to: what a horrible day
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: what a horrible day
Im ok thanks @MDT
I hope today goes ok for you 💙
I hope today goes ok for you 💙
In response to: Re: what a horrible day
MDTSenior Contributor
Re: what a horrible day
@outlander @Shaz51 @Sans911 @Appleblossom @Former-Member @Former-Member
Hey guys
Its been a rough ride
Thanks for your help and such lately
Im really done with some things in my life i reckon.
But today again i need to actually force myself into thinking better.
I brought my appointment forward to tomorrow which is good.
Before i do anything else i need to learn to give myself a chance, give myself some slack and such. I really have no idea how to do this, so im gonna raise this with the psych tomoz. I think its almost impossible tbh because i really do not like myself. At all. I think i weird people out. I think im weird. I dont like how i look or anything. I hate my body and i hate my mind. I really dont want to be this person anymore. Physically and mentally.
is not that i think im undeserving. Its that i feel incapable of making good choices. I get bored easy and i get irritation from small things.
Im not sure what i have to do to get better. Ive basically hit a wall. I guess its good then, that i am seeing the psych tomorrow.
Im not interested in finding a source of income for the moment because i feel too exhausted and anxious. All i remember are moments where i have buggered up interviews or similar. I think thats what happened in the govt graduate role. I just speak too much and overcompensate. Its my pet hate. God only knows how happier i would be if i didnt screw myself like that.
I have never been this stuck before. Ever.
Im struggling to eat.. have no appetite.
Ive been at home today. Sick of playing videogames. I dont wanna go outside because the world just reminds me of how much of a failure i am.
I honestly think ive tricked myself into thinking im going well in life.
Way too much on my mind.. all i want to do is sleep
In response to: what a horrible day
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: what a horrible day
@MDT - I'm sorry you continue to feel so stuck, with issues of emptiness, finding goals and purpose. I hope your appointment tommorow helps. Could you perhaps take a copy of your post you just wrote with you?
In response to: what a horrible day
MDTSenior Contributor
Re: what a horrible day
hey @Sans911 @outlander @Former-Member @anyone
off to see my psych today.. i dunno what good it will do.. im just really defeated lately... going nowhere in life.. just wanna curl up and leave the planet.. i heard they are colonising mars.. wonder if there is any room lol
im just tired and upet with myself..
off to see my psych today.. i dunno what good it will do.. im just really defeated lately... going nowhere in life.. just wanna curl up and leave the planet.. i heard they are colonising mars.. wonder if there is any room lol
im just tired and upet with myself..
In response to: what a horrible day
MDTSenior Contributor
Re: what a horrible day
this is actually the worst i have been in my whole journey.. just flat and bored and upset.
its as if all those times i spoke about how things get better or where i sounded positive were just lies or fake it til i make it..
feels like i been faking it for all this time..
im just at a point now where i dont care for myself.. im not eating enough (admittedly i poached 2 eggs on toast this morning at ate them both which was good) but its probably the only proper food i will eat til dinner.. i avoid lunch on weekends.. its just a reminder of how much i have failed at organising things..
i know 24 is young and all that.. but when i cant afford new clothes? the latest videogame? a coffee each day.. it becomes unbearable..
some days i cant even look in the mirror.. im grossed out at what i see.. too tall.. arms not bulk enough.. hair stupid looking..
i sweat too much during the day so it fades my clothes.. but i cant buy new ones.. and my folks would lend me money but i get depressed when that happens..
im glad i am seeing the psych today because i can raise these things with him..
its a telling sign that wanting enough money to buy my own things and get somewhere even if it is small in life is a fantasy. I fantasise abou having enough money to buy clothes.. to actually be able to walk with a sense of pride and dignity.. both abscent at this point..
@outlander @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @soul @Former-Member
its as if all those times i spoke about how things get better or where i sounded positive were just lies or fake it til i make it..
feels like i been faking it for all this time..
im just at a point now where i dont care for myself.. im not eating enough (admittedly i poached 2 eggs on toast this morning at ate them both which was good) but its probably the only proper food i will eat til dinner.. i avoid lunch on weekends.. its just a reminder of how much i have failed at organising things..
i know 24 is young and all that.. but when i cant afford new clothes? the latest videogame? a coffee each day.. it becomes unbearable..
some days i cant even look in the mirror.. im grossed out at what i see.. too tall.. arms not bulk enough.. hair stupid looking..
i sweat too much during the day so it fades my clothes.. but i cant buy new ones.. and my folks would lend me money but i get depressed when that happens..
im glad i am seeing the psych today because i can raise these things with him..
its a telling sign that wanting enough money to buy my own things and get somewhere even if it is small in life is a fantasy. I fantasise abou having enough money to buy clothes.. to actually be able to walk with a sense of pride and dignity.. both abscent at this point..
@outlander @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @soul @Former-Member
In response to: Re: what a horrible day
flipperSenior Contributor
Re: what a horrible day
Hi @MDT,
I'm Flipper, one of the moderators. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling at your lowest at the moment. It's normal to have days where we can't remember what it was like to be positive and know that things will get better, and sometimes it's in these moments that we need someone else to support and remind us (as you have done for many others) that these feelings can pass too. I encourage you to share these feelings with your psychologist today, and hope that you are able to fit in some yummy lunch as well for extra brain food.
I want to leave you with one of my favourite quotes, "Be your own kind of beautiful".
- Flipper
