what a horrible day

yes @Sans911

thanks

i am trying... but it's hard... but yes i am trying..

just had a sleep/rest for a bit and it helped a little bit

listening to music now but it's just not having much of an effect is all

Hi @MDT

Just a midnight pop in to the forum.

Not sure if I can be around much atm, but be KIND TO YOURSELF. Its a win win as with that practise it helps us with relating to others.

Its always evolving like a spiral.

You sound pretty normal for a guy your age, to me.

So i wrote out a message on my other forum and wanted to share it here too.

I went on a date to dinner and movies on saturday with that girl. Was alright. We seemed to get along well. Neither of us really liked the film.

But on sunday she said she wasnt really keen on anything more than friendship. To be honest neither am i. I am just sick of loneliness and feeling unwanted by girls. I hate it because i get to know one close enough and then i must do something to shun them off. Its like as soon as they get to know me better then they just want to be friends. Everytime this has happened. I am done with relationships. Everyone else can seem to have one and be happy and then i cant. And dont try to tell me otherwise because the record shows EXACTLY what i have described. I must give off a certain vibe or something i dunno. Im alone and always will be.

I hate all this mental health stuff and thats what i told them on the phone to lifeline yesterday. Im sick of meds, therapy.. you name it. Its made no difference.

I didnt go to laser tag yesterday because i was too depressed. And im not faking it til i make it.. because i have been doing that for 5 years. Its silly. Plus i dont wanna hang around that group as they are too young for my liking.. younger than my sister and i feel weird doing that.

So there you have it. My current situation.

I dont care about much anymore.

I just dunno what to do.

I am tempted to just focus on my health. Try to get back to the gym (been off because i was sick), eat right and sleep better. But right now i dont care for that either. I am planning on meeting a friend for dinner so hopefully that might help and i can chat to her about stuff.

Btw i have to solve my depression if i want a girlfriend. Thats obvious. Because i dont look depressed, i dress reasonable and can socialise - the notion that i am depressed does not sit well with people so maybe thats why they leave? Idk to be honest. Its okay for girls to be depressed but not guys it seems. Must be an evolutionary thing. I think it will change for me though. Once i know whats going on next year and im not in limbo.

I did say this to her also, that idk what im doing next year and such. I dont wanna lead her on, because thats happened to me and its the worst. But i guess its just gonna happen until i sort out my sense of self and have confidence in my own ability. Because i really dont at this point. I think i know i have the ability, its just not being matched with results or anything like that.

@Appleblossom @outlander @Sans911 @Faith-and-Hope @Evangeline @Loopus @Former-Member plus others i forgot

Intimacy is so deep and close to our sense of self. @MDT

I know so many singles that you do not seem at all unusal, but maybe you know lots of couples ....

I like the Andre Agassi approach

Just keep hitting that next shot as well as you can. State your level of commitment up front. Then its not leading anyone on. Friends are better than a kick on the proverbial. Surprises can happen without the big sense of pressure that it be the ONE. Enjoy the meal.

Cheers Mate.