I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

That all sounds like a good plan @outlander.

Some more examples of how I use language have popped into my mind since my last post.

• My abusive psychologist used to tell me I was weird. I tell myself I am quirky.
• When I make a mistake, I find it more helpful to tell myself that I made an oopsy rather than telling myself I'm a dumbsh*t.
• The formal term for a lot of what I deal with on a day-to-day basis is "severe emotion dysregulation." I find it more helpful to talk about how I struggle with big feelings.

For me, the "I choose..." one is a really big one. Often-times the choices I make are what I would call forced choices. That is, I pick the best of a whole lot of super bad options rather than actually wanting to do the thing I choose to do. For example, I'm choosing to search for therapist-take-thirteen. I really really really don't want to do this. I desperately want to stay with my turtle whisperer. However, given that is not possible, the options I have available to me are to search for therapist-take-thirteen or cease trying to find someone to help me with my muddled brain. Those are the only two options and both of them super suck. However, to me, searching for therapist-take-thirteen sucks a microscopic bit less than giving up, and therefore, that is what I choose to do. Does that make sense? It isn't a GOOD option, it is just the slightly better of two super bad options.

@outlander you have summed it up nicely and @Phoenix_Rising has added some valuable examples for further thought too

Thanks @Phoenix_Rising for those examples. It does help to see if from another point of view such as you have told me here with examples.

Im glad that everything you do you CHOOSE to do not FORCED to do.

Thanks @Zoe7 later on tonight ill try and give the Zoe Method a go to my current situation and then post it here. Others might be able to help switch some things around or provide some other options too.

I went to my gp and have discussed a few things, she wasnt helpful but at least the medications are sorted. We have made a plan and she will give my psychiatrist a ring as well. But as agreed Ive got the weight loss tablets to try, a very common side effect is nausea. Kinda use to that now. But im on 2 different medications but not sure if the one thats suppose to help with sleep and moods is working so im going to go off them and see if it makes a difference. Ive been off them before but it didnt make a difference and these ones cause more weight gain then the ads im on so we are going to try to go off these ones and then eventually increase the Ads and possible add in another antipsychotic so I stop hearing and seeing things that arent there.

@Former-Member@Sans911@Former-Member

Looks like you have sorted out a few things @outlander which is good. Well done sis for trying something differen to help you

thanks @Former-Member

@outlanderhey lil Sis. From what i have read back on your threads, you have made some real strides forward in the last few days.not everything you do will work everytime. And try not to look backwards, because you'll just focus on the negative stuff more and more, and less on the good things you've done. that's why I don't want go into detail about Tuesday night. I have enough physical reminders, and plenty of mental ones. sometimes we don't make great choices; but the choices we make are the best of the others choices we have. @Phoenix_Rising post is right on point about choices.

@outlanderI wasn't trying to invalidate how you feel, so I am sorry if you found my post unhelpful. I was just trying to give you a tiny boost. I have to log out so I can go retrieve my car, so I will be back later or tommorow. I seem to not be able to do much right at the moment, so maybe I should stay away for a bit longer