I dont know how much longer i can go on like this

@MDTis that the BPD you are talking about?

lol just asked the same thing @Former-Member ive offerred to tag him into the bpd thread, it helped me out when i was first diagnosed

yeah shes up to date with everything but in pain no doubt and i cant stand it. heaps of people ahve said to jsut treat it and will be fine but slow. the trouble with that is they are in a massive paddock and shes depressed in a small paddock. shes already mopeing but she cant go back out there yet @Former-Member

am going to call the vets in the am see what i can work out, not calling on weekends unless really neccessary. we jsut finished off paying a 2g vet bill from the last horse

@outlanderthat doesn't sound bad at all, you deserve that time to yourself

I have my safety plan close to me if needed

i dont mind looking after them but not all the time. @Former-Member

ive got to see my gp in a few days about the pain ive been in as well and see if/when i can go off the neb etc. ive got to ask her about an incurable itch as well. i also have a feeling shes going to be telling me to reduce my workload with the physical stuff. ive already reduced to 4 days and with xmas needing extra $ plus my boss cant handle the workload on her own whihc is why she employed me.

lots to think about, lots to worry about but i know its not the time and place but im still worried.

@outlanderof course this is the time and place. If you need to get things of your mind than go for it.

It always seems the way with xmas needing that extra money. But you do need to put your health first. Glad you are going back to the gp

its all so complicated @Former-Member

i kinda think if i dont do the second job though its not a big loss. im not really enjoying it all that much anyway. i got in trouble off someone today because 'ive skrewed them around so much' ive been sick and they want me to do 4 hrs paddock cleaning? hmm nope i can barely do that in one go when im well.

im sick of being sick Nell, if its not mentally than its physically. im on a nebuliser for gods sake.

and this incurable itch is driving me nuts and the gp wont do shit about it becasue its 'jsut your anxiety' or 'its your meds' it isnt. ive had it before this started happening. i cant even have a shower for longer than 3-4 minutes otherwise it makes it worse.

@MDTcheck out the thread i tagged you into. its ok if you dont have it or not but to help ease your fears that while its shit there is support out there.